Math and Maturity

Quinn: "Mom, what's a billion plus a thousand?"

Mom: "Uhhhhhh, one billion one thousand?  I think.  I'm not so sure that that's how you'd say that number."

Colby: "It's okay, Mom.  Maybe when you're older you'll know the answer to that."

hee hee hee.

The Surprise in the Cereal Box

We have had quite the menagerie in the house these past several weeks.  First incident was a bat buzzing my bed in the middle of the night, which proceeded to run into my chest when I stood up.  Then a chipmunk under my bed, followed by a mouse on my arm while I was lying in bed, and then another mouse running over my leg while I was working on the computer.  Latest visitation?  I was pouring Colby a bowl of cereal this morning, when I felt something large land on my hand - I assumed there was a prize in the box, so I looked down to see what it was.  You've already guessed.  Yes.  A MOUSE.  In the cereal box.  YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK.  I screamed (actually my first scream in response to ANY of these vermin... I'm getting jaded), and ran out of the house to find my protector of a husband.  I told him in no uncertain terms that we are getting a CAT.  TODAY.  Except I really don't want to have to change a litter box, and deal with cat hair.  But maybe it's worth it.  This was his response.

Rob: "You know, I'm not the only person who can buy and set a mouse trap."
Me: "Oh no you don't.  Mouse control is MEN'S WORK.  Undeniably.  Absolutely."
Rob: "That's a huge generalization."
Me: "I don't care. "
Rob: "Quinn, how'd that mouse taste for breakfast?"
Quinn: "Mom, why was there a mouse in the cereal?"
Me: "I dont' know, Quinn.  I just know that we are moving to a new house that doesn't have mice.  Today."

UGH.  UGH.  UGH.  I can't stress that enough. GROSS.   So then I went inside, to find that Colby was finished pouring his cereal and was just about to eat it!!! 

Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  (Envision slow-mo of me lunging for the bowl as he's about to bring the first spoonful to his mouth.)  I intercepted the bite, and threw the cereal (and the remainder of the box) in the garbage, and tossed the bowl in the dishwasher to be sterelized.  Colby burst into tears.

Colby: "But that's my favorite kind!!  WAH!"
Me: "Mice have germs, and poop alot.  You want mouse poop for breakfast?"  That stopped his sobs, although he remains teary-eyed even now, several minutes later.

Enough is enough.  This is the final straw.  As God as my witness, I will not be attacked by animals in my home AGAIN!!!  Just don't know how to get around having to change a litter box.

And why is it that these rodents are only visitng ME and no one else in the house????  I guarantee if a bat, a chipmunk, and a mouse ended up on ROB'S body parts, this problem would've been taken care of a long time ago. 

Blobbiness

The Scene:  Upstairs guest bed, Mom reading the boys a night-time story, Quinn with his head on my stomach, Colby at my shoulder.

Quinn:  "Mom, is there a baby in your belly?  It feels fat."
Mom: "NO, there's no baby!  Did you just call my belly fat?"
Quinn: "No!  I said FLAT!"
Mom: "Sure you did."
Quinn: "It IS fluffy, though.  See?"  Pats my belly.  "It's really bouncy."
Mom:  "Great.  Thanks."
Quinn: (Continuing to pat my belly) "boingy boingy boingy boingy."
Mom: "OK.  You can stop now.  I get the picture."

It's time to go exercise.

Rationale

I'm making a slide show of Aunt Dorothy's life for her memorial service.  Quinn was looking over my shoulder at all the old pictures.

Quinn: "Mom, I bet I know why Aunt Dorothy married Uncle Carly."
Mom: "Oh yeah, why?"
Quinn: "Well, back then he wasn't old.  He was young and looked good."

AHHHH.  It all makes sense now, 63 years later....

Translation

At breakfast today:

Quinn: "Mom, we need to make sure we never go to Ohio."
Monica: "Ohio?  Why not?"
Quinn: "Well, they speak Ohio there instead of English, so we wouldn't understand them."

OOHHHHHHH.

Aunt Dorothy

Rob's Aunt Dorothy had surgery today that didn't go well at all, and is in the ICU in Marquette.  Things don't look very promising.  As Rob is going over to visit, the boys made her cards.  They put alot of thought and time into those cards.... so much time, that I had to cut it short, as it was an hour past bedtime.  I told them it was time to be done.

Quinn: "But MOM!  I'm not done writing in it yet!  I only wrote 'I Love You'"  (Mom's note... what he actually wrote was "I Luv U  I Love U". I got a kick out of the spelling correction). 
Mom: "What did you want to write?"
Quinn: "Uh, Happy Going to Heaven Day?"
Mom: "Probably not."

The boys think it would be really exciting to go to Heaven, and the occasion is one to celebrate.  Maybe they're right, and the rest of us are wrong.

Stuck

Colby has this knack for getting stuck in impossible places.  I can't really explain ... it just happens.  Examples from his history...

1. Getting his fingers stuck between the sliding doors of an elevator.  Not when it was closing.  When it was opening.

2.  Getting his fingers stuck in the wheel of my elliptical machine

3.  Getting his head stuck between the stair rails.

4.  Getting his foot stuck between the pedal and the chain on his bike.

5.  Getting the seat belt wrapped around his neck in the locked position - tight.

6.  Getting wire ribbon wrapped 10 times around his neck - tight.

7.  Getting the cord from the blinds wrapped around his neck - tight.

And today's entry.....
Getting his thigh stuck between the arm rest and the base of his booster seat!! 

There are countless more that I can't recall at the moment, but I'm sure sometime around 1 am I'll sit bolt upright in bed and say "oh yeah!  What about that time he got stuck THERE!"  The thing with these episodes is that they happen in the blink of an eye.  Impossibly fast.  And yet the extrication is long and painful, usually requiring the dismantling of some major component of whatever it is that he's stuck in.  If it's so easy to get IN, why's it so hard to get OUT?  How does this happen?  More importantly, WHY does this happen???  I have a theory.  It's that Colby has hands like an octopus and is squirmier than a squid is very curious, needing to explore every last nook and cranny, which I'm sure is a sign of intelligence.  Right?  RIGHT???