Never Say Never

We've been spending lots of quality time with Grandma LaVerne lately, who is the Queen of Idioms.  We call them "Mim-isms" around here.  One of her favorites is "Never say never".  Today, Quinn was telling me how he never forgets to brush his teeth when, all of a sudden, he got a panicked look on his face, and slapped a hand over his mouth.  Oh NO!

Mom: "What's the matter?"
Quinn: "I said NEVER!  You should NEVER say NEVER!"

Like it's a swear word or something.  Too funny.

And Speaking of Swear Words

The boys have been bringing home some.... interesting.... vocabulary from school this year.  We've tried cracking down on the potty mouth stuff, but that just seems to make it all the more alluring.  There's alot of talk of excrement, bodily functions, and diapers around here.  I'm really tired of it.  ANYWAYS, today I told the boys that I would have to revert to washing their mouths out with soap if it didn't stop soon. 

Colby:  "Well then you're going to have to wash Grandpa's mouth out, too. He says the 'C' word?"
Mom: "Uh..... 'C' word?"
Colby:  "He says 'crap'!"
Quinn: "And Dad says the 'F' word."
Mom (really nervous about what the 'F' word might be): "That would be......"
Quinn: "Frick".
Colby: " And Quinn called me the 'D' word."
Mom: "I'm afraid to ask...."
Colby: "DUMBHEAD!"

I suppose I should be relieved that they aren't the REALLY BAD 'C', 'D', and 'F' words.  At least not yet.  It's coming, though.  I have not the slightest doubt.  HOW can I keep these boys innocent for any length of time when the whole word is working against me?????

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Quinn:  "Mom, sometimes are people so lost, they can't even find themselves?"
Mom: "Why yes, Quinn.  Sometimes that happens."
Quinn:  "They just need to stop, look around and say 'hey! here I am!'"
Colby: "They think they're invisible, when they're not!"
Mom: "Yup.  I wish they just knew that."

Sometimes, these little boys are wiser then they realize.

The Wiggles

It was the boys' Christmas party at school yesterday, which meant (judging by what was left on their faces) lots of punch and goodies.  Sugar = hyper.  Then, we had Cub Scouts before the boys' Christmas Pageant last night.  I was really on the fence whether to go or not... too much activity could mean a melt down in behavior for the actual performance.  Their tolerance only goes so far, and then chaos ensues.  It's not pretty when they're fatigued.  Their bodies go into overdrive.  ANYWAYS -- the boys begged for cub scouts, and so we went.  They were overly rambunctious on our tour of a grocery store, running around, touching EVERYTHING ( you know, like meat grinders and such).  I was dreading what this might mean for the actual Pageant.  In the car after the tour, on our way to church, the boys were screaming, giggling, kicking the seats.  Hyper as all get out.  I was mortified.  Quinn tried to put me at ease by saying this....

Quinn: "Mom, it's okay.  We're being wild NOW, so that we can be patient THEN.  We've got to get it out of our systems."

There's a strange logic to this, so I let them carry on, despite my misgivings.  You know what, though?  Those boys behaved PERFECTLY in church - maybe for the first time EVER.  It was... a Christmas miracle.  And after the performance?  Back to running around and wild. But for those few blissful minutes (45 to be exact), they attended, sat appropriately, said their lines.  SIGH.  It's POSSIBLE for them to act like civilized children.  It's POSSIBLE!!!!!!

Random Comments

Colby:  "Mom, I love the Cub Scouts.  It's like I get to be a soldier scientist."
 I should note that our Cub Scout Troop has a disproportionate amount of parents with Ph.D's, and most of the den meetings focus around physics principles.  The boys LOVE it.  And the soldier part of his comment comes from the fact that they get to wear a uniform.  With BADGES.  So cool.

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Quinn:  "Mom, why isn't the ice cream store open in the winter?"
Mom:  "Because it's cold in winter, and people don't want to eat cold food.  They want cold food in the summer time."
Quinn:  "NO!  It'd be perfect!  If they sold ice cream in the winter, we'd never have to worry about it melting when we eat it outside!"

A Saturday Morning Mystery

The boys found a 100 year old copy of William Shakespeare's plays on my bookshelf.  They ran into my room this morning, saying

"Mom, it's mystitious!  There's a book here, and we need to find the clues as to who wrote it!"
Quinn: "Yup, Mom, look at this mysterrial book."
Colby: "It IS mysteritious!  Let's find more clues!"

I just chuckle at how many ways they massacred the word mysterious in so short a time :).   It's a mystery!

Science

Colby found my old Pathology book from physical therapy school.  He pulled it out, announced he was learning about "doctors", and proceeded to read it.  There were lots of "EWWW", and "what's THAT?" comments.  Then he asked me how the people that wrote the book knew so much about what was INSIDE of people.

Mom: "Well, Colby... sometimes they open people up to look inside them and find out.  I did it in PT school. "
Colby: "WHAT?  They cut them OPEN????  Were they dead????"
Mom: "Yes, after they were dead.  Some people donate their  bodies to science, so that we can learn from them.  And after we are done learning, we return them to their families to be buried."
Colby internalized this for a second, and then said gravely "Mom, don't EVER let anybody cut me up after I'm dead."
Mom: "OK Colby.  And for the record, I don't want my body donated to science either."

Santa and the North Pole

Found our "Santa" hanging out on the globe.  Guess Colby knows where the North Pole is!

Things I Never Thought I'd Say, Part 2

Mom:  "BOYS!  Soup is not a finger food!"

Breakfast Conversation

Colby:  Mom, I have an idea.  If we earn a thousand tickets, let's go to Europe and see castles and where  knights used to kill dragons.

Mom:  That's a cool idea, but I'm not so sure about that.  Dad and I went to Europe once before you were born and saw some castles.

Quinn:  Were you afraid of all the skeletons?

Mom:  There weren't any skeletons.  It wasn't a HAUNTED castle, just a castle.

Colby: Did you see knight's armor?

Mom: Yup.  They were really short back then, because they didn't eat their veggies to grow big and tall.  We
EVEN saw the King and Queen of Sweden, and the Emporer of Japan when we were there.

Quinn: The empire of Japan?

Mom: No.  The Emporer.  The King rules over a kingdom, and the Emporer rules over an Empire, which is a
bunch of kingdoms together.

Colby:  Like the Empire Strikes Back

Quinn:  Like in a baseball game?

Mom:  That's an UMPIRE.

Quinn: (knowingly)  All umpires are vampires.

Mom: Uhhhhh, no.

School

Colby had to "move his clip" yesterday at school  I asked him why that was.

Colby: "Mom, the teacher did't YELL at me or anything.  She just said that I didn't know how to sit, and needed to go to sititng lessons". 

HMMMMM.  Sitting lessons.  Maybe we should start those at home, too.

Silence

Reagan, our lightest sleeper, has the unfortuante distinction of having her bedroom right off the living room.  The noisiest place in the house.  It is a terrible location, and she wakes up at the slightest HINT of her brother's or Dad's voices (my voice she's able to ignore and sleep through.  Imagine that).  Mornings are awful, with boys running around like banshees, and Mom screaming (because she can sleep through my voice) "BOYS!  BE QUIET OR YOU'LL WAKE YOUR SISTER UP!!!"  I have threatened serious punishment for noise infractions in the morning.  Because when little girl wakes up early, she screams and demands attention that, quite frankly, I just don't have in the mad rush to get on snow clothes and out to the bus in time.  This morning, we decided to have a "quiet contest", and I told the boys that they could use sign language or write anything they needed to say, but I wanted not a word from out of their mouths.

They were really getting into the sign language, and kept signing "MOM! MOM!"  to get my attention, which I thought was  funny, because I could just close my eyes or turn my back, and ... viola!  The incessant call was gone!  I looooooovvved it.  I taught them to sign food, and it was hilarious seeing them mime "peanut butter and jelly sandwich".  We finger spelled their names, and learned the sign for milk, drink, and eat.  Despite our best efforts, Reagan STILL woke up early - a crabby addition to an already hectic morning.  Great.  She is NOT a ray of sunshine in the morning.

These are some snippets from our morning:
Quinn: "Mom, how do you laugh in sign language?"
Quinn: "Mom, if I stick up my middle toe, is it still a swear?"
Colby: signing "I am OK" and making a sandwich with his hands and pretending to eat it.

Funny boys.  I would love to have them proficient enough in sign language OR writing that we could have a quiet morning.  Maybe it's more for me than Reagan.

Thing's I Never Thought I'd Have To Say.....

Mom: "BOYS!  Stop jumping over your sister!!"

A Conversation with Daddy

Sometimes it's the Big Boy that gives me bloggable moments.  Like tonight, for example.  Rob pops off with this....

Rob:  Wouldn't it be weird if, say, we had identical twin girls, and then we got divorced, and one went to go live with me, and one went to go live with you?  I wonder what their personalities would be like.
Monica:  You just described the plot of "The Parent Trap."
Rob:  What?  What's that?
Monica:  You've never seen "The Parent Trap"?
Rob:  I have no idea what you're talking about.  I haven't seen Grease or Dirty Dancing either. 
Monica:  We've got to rent all of them, and you have to watch them.
Rob:  Do you see a common theme?  I DON'T WANT TO see them.  They DON'T INTEREST ME.

Well, sheesh.  You come up with the whole plot of a Chick Flick, thinking that you just invented it,  and then bash the movies that are already made!  I'm thinking Robbie needs a little "Chick Flick" therapy in the very near future!!

I've been DUPED

I was all set to write a post this morning congratulating myself on my brilliance as a mother.  See, last night at bed, I promised the boys a ticket each if they STAYED in bed all night, and didn't get up in the morning until after 7 am.  Set the alarm clock and everything, so they'd know what time it was.  And this morning, I didn't hear bickering in the living room, I didn't have boys climbing into bed with me whining about wanting breakfast.  I actually slept in til 7 am myself, and it was HEAVENLY.  Waking up to a quiet house at 7 am here is, well.... unheard of.  All because of my brilliant strategy at bed time the night before.  It's probably because I watched "Super Nanny" while cleaning the kitchen yesterday - all that good parenting sunk into my subconscious.

WELLL......

Rob just walked in (8 am) and said "Did the boys get some new toys or something that they're excited to play with?"
Uh, no.
"They went downstairs in the basement from 6:oo to 7:00, and then came back UP to their bedroom and are playing in there. "
Those little sneakers!  They're trying to pull one over on their mom.  Regardless, it was a QUIET house, even if they didn't play by the rules. 

And I still got to sleep in.

Parent Teacher Conferences

Our first parent teacher conference of the first grade this past week.  Again, the report was pretty much as expected.  Everything "Satisfactory", with the exception of penmanship, which was "Needs Improvement".  We're working really hard on fine motor at home.  It's been an ongoing issue.  I personally was surprised that  Conduct was given a "Satisfactory" grade, given the frequency with which I hear through the boys that they have moved their clip at school.  I asked the teacher about this.  Colby, apparently, doesn't care if he moves his clip to Yellow, because that's just a warning.  He rarely moves his clip all the way to Red.  Quinn, whenever he moves his clip, falls apart in tears and blames the world for whatever misconduct.  It's NEVER his fault.  But the teacher pointed out that they seemed no different than the majority of little boys in her room.  Just more messy and disorganized.  MORE little boy than most little boys.  But still NORMAL.  We insisted on hearing those words from her mouth.  Rob asked specifically.  So the "Satisfactory" in Conduct was more of a gift, I think.... and more of a "meeting class average for little boys."  And not that it is REALLY satisfactory.  We'll take it, regardless.

I asked her if she thought the boys were working up to their potential.  This is what she said.....
"They're at the top of the class for reading, and above-average for math.  But NO.  I don't think they're working up to their potential, because I think they could be even higher than that if they were more organized and more careful with their work."  On standardized testing, they scored just about where they need to to PASS the first grade - and it's only the first quarter.  I was pleased with that.  Apparently LISTENING (suprirse suprirse) and following through to completion (suprirse surprise) are not their strong suit.  They rush through their work so that they can have free time to read books in the reading corner. SIGH.  It could be alot worse.  At least they're not struggling academically, and I was glad to hear that.  I suggested to the teacher to have them run laps in the gym if needed before it's time to sit.  She kind of laughed about that, and I said "NO.  I'm SERIOUS.  They'll do much better for you."

Contagion

Got the call from the doctor today confirming Reagan's diaper rash isn't REALLY a diaper rash, but a bona-fide, cultured, strep infection.  NICE.  She started antibiotics this evening.  Suddenly tonight, we noticed that whatever was on Reagan's butt is now on Colby's face.  AND in his throat.  Which meant a trip to Express Care and $25 to tell us what we already knew... HE has strep, too.  We just want the script for the $4 antibiotic, please.  When the Nurse Practioner confirmed Colby's strep, I asked her if we could get a script for Quinn, too, because, in our house.... there's no such thing as "two out of three".  If the other two have Strep, I guarantee Quinn will come down with it, too, if he hasn't already.  But NOOOOOOO.  He needs a separate appointment, another $25 copay for a 30 second visit.  I refuse.  I see his stuffy nose, and I KNOW it's coming.  I can make two antibiotic prescriptions stretch for three kids if I have to.  I know, I know... not good.  But it bugs me to no end when we have to make separate doctor's appointments and pay through the nose when we already know what's wrong, and we just NEED THE PRESCRIPTION. I don't need to shell out $75 to get $12 worth of prescriptions, when I know what's wrong, and I know what they need.   Man, I wish I had a doctor on the payroll somewhere. 

Tidbits from the Car Ride Home From Cub Scouts

Colby: "Mom, tomorrow is Veteran's Day."
Mom: "Yup.  Do you know what that's all about?"
Colby: "George Washington."
Mom: "Well, we celebrate soldiers, and George Washington was a soldier.  Do you know any other soldiers?"
Quinn: "Aunt Kelli."
Mom: "Nope.  Aunt Elle.  Uncle Larry. And Grandpa Jim used to be a soldier, too."
Colby: "So were they the Red Coats?"
Mom: "Uhhhh.  No."  A history of the revolutionary war ensues.

Quinn: "Mom, so who won that war?"
Mom: "Well, do we belong to England right now?"
Quinn: "Yes!"
Colby: "No!"
Mom: "I guess we won."

(Later)
Quinn: "Boy, that George Lincoln was a really tall guy."
Colby: "It was his hat that made him look so tall."

(Later)
Quinn: "Mom, why do they make soldiers presidents?"
Mom: "You mean like George Washington?"
Quinn: "Yeah.  Did George Washington kill anyone?"
Mom: "I don't know.  But he led a war, so...."
Quinn: "Killing is BAD."
Mom: "Yup".

(Later)
Quinn: "Mom, when will George Washington come back to life?"
Mom: "Well, I don't know.  Whenever Jesus comes back."
Quinn: "Well, when will THAT be?  We've been waiting for MONTHS and He hasn't shown up yet!!!"

(Later)
Quinn: "Mom, how many days have we lived in this house?"
Mom: "Seven years times 365 days a year... more than 2100."
Quinn: "It's about time we moved.  We've been here too long.  The house is getting old."

(Later)
Quinn: "Mom, when is the house's birthday?"
Mom: "I don't know."
Quinn: "We really need to have a birthday party for it."
Mom: "Hmmmmmm."

All these random little thoughts.  I have a hard time keeping up.

Angels Among Us

Colby, on the way to church yesterday:  "Mom, I know why babies wave their arms and reach up all the time."

Mom: "Why?"

Colby: "They're playing with the angels!"

I think you just might be right, there, little boy!

Odds and Ends

Colby, crawling into bed with Rob and I at 9 pm last night:  "Mom, I had a nightmare!"
Mom: "No you didn't.  You haven't even fallen asleep yet.  I saw you just 15 minutes ago."
Colby:  "But a nightmare was COMING.  I heard beeping in my ears, and that means a nightmare is coming."

Whatever.  Stall tactic.
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Mom:  "Quinn, if you make your bed every morning, it will be worth one ticket."  (note:  we are on a ticket reward system here.  Had to get off the US Dollar, like most of the world, because of the temptation it caused).
Quinn: "One ticket?  That's got to be worth more than that.  That's a big job!"
Mom: "No it's not.  It takes 30 seconds.  See?" (Pulled up covers in less than 30 seconds).
Quinn: "That would take me at  90 seconds, and that's worth at least two tickets."

We have a future Donald Trump in our midst.  I hear the theme song "money money MONEY"  in the background.

Voices Return

For the record, Quinn is now a baritone again.  WHEW!  Thought he was going to have chipmunk voice forever!!  Not that COLBY'S is a chipmunk voice, since I made such a big deal about Quinn sounding like Colby.  Just... he's back to normal.  I should be quiet now before the boys read this and I offend someone.  AHEM.

Nightmares

Quinn crawled into bed with me at 3:30am, crying and shaking.  I asked him what was wrong.  He said he had a scary dream.  He asked for us to say prayers, which we did, and then he went back to sleep.  This morning, I asked him about his dream.

Quinn: "We were in our car, and a man came up and tried to open the door.  When he couldn't get in his head fell off.  His hands tried to grab me, and his body was shaking on the ground."

Oh my!  That IS a scary dream.  WHERE would such ideas get into his subconcious?  I asked him if he had seen anything scary like that.

Quinn: "No.  I just dreamed it.  And when that guy came up to the Mystery Machine, and tried to open the door....."

Mystery Machine????  OHHHHHH.  That little detail was left out of the first telling.  A little detective work leads us to the culprit... Scooby Doo.  And he would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for those meddling kids!!

Overheard a few minutes ago.

Colby: "Quinn, when your nightmare woke you up, it woke ME up, and I didn't get to finish my dream!"
Quinn: "What was your dream about?"
Colby:  "I don't know, but it was magic.  I can dream that I can do ANYTHING!"

Laying Down the Law

I didn't get home from work until 9:30 pm last night, and the house was dark.  When I flipped on lights this morning, I saw a COMPLETE disaster.  The Q-tips (which I normally keep high on the medicine chest) were spewed all over the living room. 

Mom: "Who did this?"
Quinn and Colby "REAGAN!"
Mom:  "Oh, that Reagan!"
Quinn: "I guess we're just going to have to throw her out of the house.  She's too messy."

Overheard

Colby:  "REAGAN!!  Quit acting like a zero-year-old!!"

Toys at School

Morning cavity search  pocket check yielded a Bakugan, a miniature skate board, and a slinky - all on board for use while in school.  After I confiscated said items, I explained to the boys that they could play with them when they got home this afternoon.

Quinn: "But MOM!  That's not until DINNER TIME!  I'll have to go all day without toys!!"
Mom:  "You'll be learning.  You're not supposed to be playing with toys at school."
Colby: "What about on recess?  There's NOTHING to do out there!"
Mom: "No balls for soccer or basketball?  No slides, swings, merry go rounds?  Jump ropes?  Friends?"
Colby: "All that stuff is boring". 

Oi Vey.  We have six year olds that suffer from a serious lack of imagination.  Recess used to be my favorite part of the school day!

High Pressure Salesmen

Quinn and Colby are selling popcorn for the Cub Scouts, so WATCH OUT.  Tonight, cousin Chuck and grandma and grandpa Aho came over for dinner, and the boys were hot on their heels for a sale.

Here's their shpeel:
"Hi, my name is (insert name and adorable 6-year old boy look here).  Would you like to buy some popcorn for the cubscouts?"

Grandma was an easy sell.  I think she said something like "Of course!  You're so cute!  You're my favorite salesman".  So that built the boys' confidence up, and they ran outside to make a sale to Grandpa and Chuck.... WHILE they were taking a sauna.  Not being able to firm up the deal (no pens or $$ there when you're in nothing but a towel), they brought it up again at dinner.  Mom told them to wait.  AFTER dinner, they were all over our guests yet again.  Talk about high-pressure!!  It worked, though.  Three overly-priced bags of popcorn sold to three different guests.  Then they hit Dad up, and he gave them a tenative sale, but ended it with "See Mommy for a check."

I DID overhear the boys say "WOW!  We're RICH!", and was quick to point out that this was NOT their money, but the troop's. 

Conditional Love

I spent the other afternoon sewing Quinn's Halloween costume.  He was grateful, and made me this lovely thank you note.  It says (and I quote): "Hui My Name its Quinn  I luve u bkus u sode my cosum" (Translation, for all of you out there who don't read 6-year-old-boy: "Hi.  My name is Quinn.  I love you because you sewed my costume.")

Before you go all googly and sappy, saying "AAAAWWWWWWWW" like I did, I should tell you that as he handed me the note, he said "but if my costume doesn't turn out good, I'll have to rip that up."

Wah-HUH?

Voices

It's become apparent to me how much I rely on the boys' voices to tell them apart.  When they're yelling down the stairs.  When they're yelling from the kitchen.  When they're yelling in the yard.  When they're yelling (is that SUPPOSED to be talking?) at the dinner table.  My Mom-sense is totally screwed up.  Because I'll hear a miscellaneous boy calling for his blanky at bed-time, and I'm thinking it's Colby, because it's Colby's VOICE, and when I get upstairs, I find I've brought "snuggly blanky" to the kid who's already asleep, and "green blanky" is still downstairs.  And there sits a disappointed Quinn, wondering why his mother has flipped her lid, and can no longer tell her children apart unless they are within eyeshot. 

Dang!  Wonder if it will stay like this forever???

The Tell-Tale Voice

The easiest and most immediate way most people tell the boys apart is by their voice.  Quinn's has always been much huskier than Colby's, even when they were babies.  Well, Quinn had his tonsils out today, and you know what?  His voice is higher now.  He sounds like COLBY! When I mentioned his voice change, he was very offended. "I do NOT sound like Colby!"   Rob walked into the room just now and said "Weird, Quinn sounds like Colby now!"  So, for all you people out there that  have relied on your ears rather than your eyes to tell our boys apart.... you're out of luck.  Tonsilectomies made Colby's voice deeper and Quinn's higher, and they are now the same.  Start searching for those tell-tale scars, y'all. 
 

Dinner Conversation

Dad:  "Man, am I sore"
Mom: "That's because of all those pull-ups you did yesterday."
Quinn: "DAD?!?!?!  You wear PULL UPS?????"

Shameless Braggin'

OK.  I'm going to brag on the boys a bit, because I'm proud of them, and also because I want to make sure and document the GOOD things they do, and not just those "I'll laugh at this someday" moments....
Found out yesterday that Quinn and Colby are in the two highest reading groups at school.  Colby is in level "E" (don't ask me what that means... Colby just said that things go from level A to E), and Quinn is in "D".  They brought home little books and read them like nobody's business!  Their Scholastic book order came in, and both boys were reading chapter books by themselves at the dining room table for a good chunk of time yesterday afternoon.  Good Job, sons!   Read read read!

The Offense

I gave Quinn a time-out today.  A well-deserved, "get in your room before I do something I regret" time-out.  The offense?  I had come home from work today to a DESTROYED house.  Moonsand, groceries, food, peanut butter and jelly, toys, clothes --- EVERYWHERE.  Really.  Tornado-hit-the-place filthy.  Colby dumped an entire container of moonsand onto the floor in front of me as soon as I walked in the door, and then said "It's okay mom.  I'm getting the broom and cleaning it up."

I said "Thank you, Colby.  Because I'm not your maid. And I'm not a slave.  Do you all think that's my job?  To spend my entire life cleaning up after you?"

Colby was wise, and said "no.".  Quinn immediately answered "YES."

He was REALLY lucky a time-out was all he got.  It's Sunday, so I took it easy on him.

In the "Don't Sit So Close To Me" Department

Quinn was sitting on my lap this evening.  He was looking at me WAY too close. 

"Mom, what are those bumps on your chin?  My chin doesn't have those."  Uhhh... zits, Quinn.  Yours are on their way in about 10 years or so.

"Mom, what's inside your nose.  HAIR??? You have HAIR in your nose???"  So do you, Quinn.  You just can't look up your own nostrils.  "Mom, there can't be HAIR in your nose!  That's the path to your brain!!  Boogers come from your brain out your nose!"

"Mom, why are your lips scaly?"  Time to retouch the lipstick. 

Before he could say  more (which was definitely on the way, given how intently he was studying my face) I told him not look so closely at me.  So he scooched back, squinted his eyes, and continued staring.  Then he started messing with my hair, and told me he was going to make me "pretty".  That's a tall order, my son.  Tall order.

Where Jesus Lives

The other day, the boys and I were having a conversation about Heaven.  They wanted to know where it was.  EXACTLY.  Like, on the other side of the earth, then straight up? Where?  I couldn't give them as concrete an answer as they wanted, and both boys were getting frustrated.  Finally, Colby said "I know Mom.  Heaven's on a really fluffy cloud."  OK, I told him.  You're right.  It's on a cloud.

Well, tonight at church, Colby was paying close attention to the stained glass windows.  He suddenly hit me on the shoulder, pointed to a window, and said (in an overly loud voice, right in the middle of mass)  "See Mom!  I told you Jesus lives on a cloud!"

What I find out After School

PART I:
Q&C:  "Hey Mom, we had breakfast at school today!"
Mom: "What????  I didn't pay for you to have breakfast!"
Q&C: "You don't have to.  They give it to you for free.  We have the secret code."
Mom: "Uhhhhhh......"

I'm about to get a bill in the mail.  Dang boys.  They HAD a full breakfast before they left the house!



PART II:
Mom: "Colby, were you a good boy at school today?  Did you have to move your clip?"
Colby: "Well, I didn't move my clip all the way to red.  Just to yellow."
Mom: "Why did you have to move it to yellow?"
Colby: "Mom, it's really tricky.  The teacher said 'Colby, this is your second warning!', but I never heard her the first time!!"

AHHH.   The selective hearing problem we have at home!

PART III: 
Quinn, I think, has a little crush on his teacher.  He sent her this email today, asking her out on a date tomorrow....
"can u come to my soccer game on saturday 245 at huron town



quinn"
 
When I asked Quinn if he liked his teacher, all he would say is "She sure doesn't let us get many drinks at school".  hee hee.

Healthy Foods

Rob and I have started a much-needed diet.  This has a trickle-down effect on the boys, as I'm not about to cook them a separate meal each and every time.  Colby has had it.  He put his head down on the table and began sobbing tonight at dinner.

Colby:  "Squash!  Why is there squash EVERY SINGLE NIGHT???  Squash squash squash!  I can't eat it anymore!!!"

His Oscar will be arriving soon, I'm sure. Oh, the drama. 

Notes from School

Second day of school, and I've already gotten my first email from the teacher.  Colby decided to color himself with markers at school.  Followers of this blog know that this is not the first time the boy has done such a thing, although it's the first time it's happened at school.  I'm hoping it's washable.  And also hoping this isn't going to be another LOOONGG school year :(

Post Script:  When I talked to Colby when he got home from school, he at first denied everything.  When I asked him why his palms were red, he just said "I don't know".  After I grounded him for lying to me (a far more serious offense then marking himself up) he broke down and said "But MOM!  There's no school rule about NOT coloring yourself!!!!"

UGH. 

Kisses

Gave the boys a kiss before school today.  And then another right before they got on the bus.

Quinn: "Oh, Mom, good thing you gave me another one, because the first one dried up!"

Got to keep those kisses fresh, you know!

Football - A Study in the Back Yard

Overheard....or "I'm rubber, You're glue"

Colby (to his identical twin brother):  "You're ugly"!

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..... what's that say about YOU, kid?

Add One to the List

In the ever-growing list of places that Colby has gotten stuck....

His foot got stuck BACKWARDS between the outside railings of a deck 4 feet off the ground.  This is hard to envision, but he was turned forward holding on to the outside of the railings, and his foot was wedged between the slats, turned with toes facing 180 degrees the opposite direction, leg twisted completely around.  He was whimpering and calling for help when I found him like this. 

All I can do is shake my head.  HOW?  WHY? HUH???

Soccer Moments

At the game last night, Dad made the mistake of promising One Greenback for each goal made.  Quinn just happened to make a goal.  Amongst the cheering, in the middle of the game, while the ball was in play, he left the field, came right over to Rob, and said "Can I have my dollar now?" 

A friend and fellow mom sitting next to me was in charge of snacks for this game.  To keep Reagan busy, she offered her an "early" snack of Oreos.  Colby's "cookie detector" alarmed, and he made a bee-line for the sideline, in order to get his cookies too.  Except, again, it was the middle of the game and the ball was in play.  Rewards were obviously backfiring for soccer ;).

Colby struggles to pay attention to what's happening during a game, but he was doing really pretty good job last night.  The ball was being thrown in from the sidelines, and Colby was open, but really somewhere in La La land, paying absolutely no attention whatsoever.  The ball hit him in the chest, bringing him back to the game in a hurry.  The look on his face was priceless. 

And my favorite moment of the game.... Colby made a good defensive play, and Rob congratulated him and gave him a thumbs up.  Colby looked over, smiled shyly, and gave Rob a thumbs up back.  I WISH I would've caught it on film, because it was the cutest thing ever.

After the game, I told both boys how proud I was of them, and how much they had improved over last year.
Colby just said "Well, then, why were you laughing at me the whole time????" 

Dang it, when they keep doing funny stuff, how am I NOT supposed to laugh at them????  After I explained the look on his face when the ball hit him in the chest, he just smiled and said "Oh yeah, that WAS funny!"

Future Careers

At dinner tonight, Dad brought up the fact that Colby had said he wanted to be a spaceman when he grows up.

Colby: "No.  Now I want to be a doctor.  A spaceman is too dangerous.  I'm afraid I'll get lost and end up someplace Spanish."

OOOHHHH.  Then a doctor IS much safer.

A question From Colby

Colby:  "Mom, do all the words in Japan start with the letter 'J'?"

Not long afterwards he began speaking to Quinn in a language he called "Tongue Language", which seemed to have alot of "L"s in it.  "La loo lala lee".  Too funny.  Quinn replied in HIS version of Russian, which sounded something like "KZXHSK".   Then they started calling each other "buha boiga", which they told me was "bad boy" in Finnish.  I actually think they might be right!!!!

Outlook

My life-long friend Katherine has been visiting.  Katherine is a Positive Person in every sense of the word.  She laughs at every mishap, her favorite color is yellow (at least it was in the 4th grade.  I'm sure she's never changed that particular aspect of her personality in the ensueing 30 years).  So here's the scenario: The kids and two middle-aged females were playing with the GeoTrax train set when I heard this....

Colby: "Oh No.  The airplane is broken!"

Katherine: "No, Colby.  You should be positive about that.   Like, 'my, aren't we lucky we have trains and airplanes to play with?  They're so cool and fun, and we are so lucky!!!  We can play with lots of different toys!"

Colby internalized this advice, and played contentedly for another few seconds.  Then he turned around and said....

Colby: "Nope.  I'm gonna have to go negative.  The airplane won't work."

I had to snicker.  He IS his mother's child.

Math and Maturity

Quinn: "Mom, what's a billion plus a thousand?"

Mom: "Uhhhhhh, one billion one thousand?  I think.  I'm not so sure that that's how you'd say that number."

Colby: "It's okay, Mom.  Maybe when you're older you'll know the answer to that."

hee hee hee.

The Surprise in the Cereal Box

We have had quite the menagerie in the house these past several weeks.  First incident was a bat buzzing my bed in the middle of the night, which proceeded to run into my chest when I stood up.  Then a chipmunk under my bed, followed by a mouse on my arm while I was lying in bed, and then another mouse running over my leg while I was working on the computer.  Latest visitation?  I was pouring Colby a bowl of cereal this morning, when I felt something large land on my hand - I assumed there was a prize in the box, so I looked down to see what it was.  You've already guessed.  Yes.  A MOUSE.  In the cereal box.  YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK YUCK.  I screamed (actually my first scream in response to ANY of these vermin... I'm getting jaded), and ran out of the house to find my protector of a husband.  I told him in no uncertain terms that we are getting a CAT.  TODAY.  Except I really don't want to have to change a litter box, and deal with cat hair.  But maybe it's worth it.  This was his response.

Rob: "You know, I'm not the only person who can buy and set a mouse trap."
Me: "Oh no you don't.  Mouse control is MEN'S WORK.  Undeniably.  Absolutely."
Rob: "That's a huge generalization."
Me: "I don't care. "
Rob: "Quinn, how'd that mouse taste for breakfast?"
Quinn: "Mom, why was there a mouse in the cereal?"
Me: "I dont' know, Quinn.  I just know that we are moving to a new house that doesn't have mice.  Today."

UGH.  UGH.  UGH.  I can't stress that enough. GROSS.   So then I went inside, to find that Colby was finished pouring his cereal and was just about to eat it!!! 

Me: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"  (Envision slow-mo of me lunging for the bowl as he's about to bring the first spoonful to his mouth.)  I intercepted the bite, and threw the cereal (and the remainder of the box) in the garbage, and tossed the bowl in the dishwasher to be sterelized.  Colby burst into tears.

Colby: "But that's my favorite kind!!  WAH!"
Me: "Mice have germs, and poop alot.  You want mouse poop for breakfast?"  That stopped his sobs, although he remains teary-eyed even now, several minutes later.

Enough is enough.  This is the final straw.  As God as my witness, I will not be attacked by animals in my home AGAIN!!!  Just don't know how to get around having to change a litter box.

And why is it that these rodents are only visitng ME and no one else in the house????  I guarantee if a bat, a chipmunk, and a mouse ended up on ROB'S body parts, this problem would've been taken care of a long time ago. 

Blobbiness

The Scene:  Upstairs guest bed, Mom reading the boys a night-time story, Quinn with his head on my stomach, Colby at my shoulder.

Quinn:  "Mom, is there a baby in your belly?  It feels fat."
Mom: "NO, there's no baby!  Did you just call my belly fat?"
Quinn: "No!  I said FLAT!"
Mom: "Sure you did."
Quinn: "It IS fluffy, though.  See?"  Pats my belly.  "It's really bouncy."
Mom:  "Great.  Thanks."
Quinn: (Continuing to pat my belly) "boingy boingy boingy boingy."
Mom: "OK.  You can stop now.  I get the picture."

It's time to go exercise.

Rationale

I'm making a slide show of Aunt Dorothy's life for her memorial service.  Quinn was looking over my shoulder at all the old pictures.

Quinn: "Mom, I bet I know why Aunt Dorothy married Uncle Carly."
Mom: "Oh yeah, why?"
Quinn: "Well, back then he wasn't old.  He was young and looked good."

AHHHH.  It all makes sense now, 63 years later....

Translation

At breakfast today:

Quinn: "Mom, we need to make sure we never go to Ohio."
Monica: "Ohio?  Why not?"
Quinn: "Well, they speak Ohio there instead of English, so we wouldn't understand them."

OOHHHHHHH.

Aunt Dorothy

Rob's Aunt Dorothy had surgery today that didn't go well at all, and is in the ICU in Marquette.  Things don't look very promising.  As Rob is going over to visit, the boys made her cards.  They put alot of thought and time into those cards.... so much time, that I had to cut it short, as it was an hour past bedtime.  I told them it was time to be done.

Quinn: "But MOM!  I'm not done writing in it yet!  I only wrote 'I Love You'"  (Mom's note... what he actually wrote was "I Luv U  I Love U". I got a kick out of the spelling correction). 
Mom: "What did you want to write?"
Quinn: "Uh, Happy Going to Heaven Day?"
Mom: "Probably not."

The boys think it would be really exciting to go to Heaven, and the occasion is one to celebrate.  Maybe they're right, and the rest of us are wrong.

Stuck

Colby has this knack for getting stuck in impossible places.  I can't really explain ... it just happens.  Examples from his history...

1. Getting his fingers stuck between the sliding doors of an elevator.  Not when it was closing.  When it was opening.

2.  Getting his fingers stuck in the wheel of my elliptical machine

3.  Getting his head stuck between the stair rails.

4.  Getting his foot stuck between the pedal and the chain on his bike.

5.  Getting the seat belt wrapped around his neck in the locked position - tight.

6.  Getting wire ribbon wrapped 10 times around his neck - tight.

7.  Getting the cord from the blinds wrapped around his neck - tight.

And today's entry.....
Getting his thigh stuck between the arm rest and the base of his booster seat!! 

There are countless more that I can't recall at the moment, but I'm sure sometime around 1 am I'll sit bolt upright in bed and say "oh yeah!  What about that time he got stuck THERE!"  The thing with these episodes is that they happen in the blink of an eye.  Impossibly fast.  And yet the extrication is long and painful, usually requiring the dismantling of some major component of whatever it is that he's stuck in.  If it's so easy to get IN, why's it so hard to get OUT?  How does this happen?  More importantly, WHY does this happen???  I have a theory.  It's that Colby has hands like an octopus and is squirmier than a squid is very curious, needing to explore every last nook and cranny, which I'm sure is a sign of intelligence.  Right?  RIGHT???

Industriousness

Boys were running in and out of the house, in their underwear, on a mission.

Mom: "WHAT are you guys doing?"
Colby: "Uhhhhhhh"
Mom: "What??"
Colby: "Building a water park."
Quinn: "It's EASY, Mom.  All you need is hammer, lots of nails, and U-shaped plastic."
Mom: "Do you have hammer, nails, and U-shaped plastic?"
He showed me my kitchen hammer, that I use to pound chicken flat.  OK, that's one.

Rob just came into the house asking why I was sending the boys out for nails.  I calmly explained the "waterpark" plan.  He did not appear to be nearly as amused as I was.

Dinner Conversation

I was ATTEMPTING to have a conversation with my husband at dinner time.  I know, I know.  Craziness, when there are three small children with us at the table.  Anyways.  We were talking about Minnesota, and this is how the dialogue went:

Mom: "Well, I'd certainly like to go back before fall. The Dead Sea Scrolls are there until October, maybe we can go see them still."

Quinn: "MOM!  WHY do you want to see Dead SQUIRRELS??????"

Oh goodness.  The conversation plummeted from there, with Dad suggesting Dead Squirrels (stuffed with blueberries) for their camping trip this weekend.  It went on and on and on.  How tasty Dead Squirrels are ("dem is good eatin' ").  

And really, I was just want to see some ancient Biblical texts.

Flower Sale

Quinn just walked into the house with his hands behind his back, a coy smile on his face.  I could see some "black-eyed susans" poking out behind him.  Just as my heart was melting, and the words "awwwwww, my sweet little boy" were dancing through my head, he pipes up with "Mom, you got a dollar?"

Mom: "A dollar?  Why?"
Quinn: "I'll give you these flowers if you give me a dollar."
Mom: "You're SELLING me the flowers you picked for me?"
Quinn: "Yup."

Well, THAT sucked all the cuteness out of that gesture.

Overheard

Grandpa Jim and the boys were putting together a Lego model when Pete the Springer Spaniel made an appearance.

Quinn: "Grandpa Jim, your dog likes me."
Grandpa: "Yup, he likes little boys."
Quinn: "I'm not a little boy, I'm a big boy."
Grandpa: " You know, sometimes you'll call Pete's name and he won't hear you because he's hard of hearing.  He's getting old."
Quinn: "Oh, like you."

This is when Mom interrupted with "QUINN!  That's not nice!"

Grandpa: "It's okay.  I try not to get too old."
Colby: "Yeah, but you don't want to be too young, either."

Wise statement, little boy.

Sausage Bling

Quinn's been wearing a brown bracelet lately. When I asked him where he got it, he said "in the kitchen". Upon closer inspection, that leather-looking bracelet was actually the wax paper ring from a summer sausage, several days old. EWWWWW. I was thoroughly disgusted and told him to throw the thing away, which he did. And then he promptly replaced it with another one. We may have to ban sausage in this house.

Don't Argue

Colby just informed me that he was going downstairs to make a race track. Apparently this isn't just any race track - it's going to be the LONGEST race track ever.

Colby: "Mom, it's going to take me a long time to make the track. I know you're going to say 'Colby, it's breakfast! Colby, it's lunch time! Colby, it's dinner time! But I won't be done. So just don't argue with me."

Well, then... allrighty. Glad he's making plans to be productive.

Filthy

I just spent the last 7 hours painting. I painted the back entryway, the ceiling, the boys' bathroom, the stairwell to the upstairs, and the stairwell to the downstairs, as well as several of the basement walls. I was on a rampage, and I have to admit that my arms, feet, hair and clothing were covered with white paint. When the boys came home from camping, I told them that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES were they to get these newly clean walls messy again. Quinn popped of with this:

Q: "Well, it's not like you're exactly clean yourself, Mom. LOOK at you!"

The Tell

Quinn just came up to me and out of the blue said:

"Mom, if you ever see me looking like this.... I'm lying."

Moms and Sprinklers

It was hot and muggy, so Colby, Reagan and I were running through the sprinkler in the yard. Reagan wore a diaper only, Colby had a swimsuit, and I was in my shorts and t-shirt.

Colby: "Mom, why don't you get all the way wet like me?"
Mom: "I don't have my swimsuit on. I dont' want to get my clothes wet."
Colby: "Well, you can take off your shirt and run in your boobies."
Mom: "What???"
Colby: "You can wear a swimsuit or boobies when you swim. Either one is okay."
Mom: "Where did you hear that?"
Colby: "At school."

SIGH.

Vacation Bible School

The boys had a great time at vacation bible school this week. Take a peek!

A Conversation

I was showing the boys pictures of themselves this morning. They can identify themselves accurately only about 50% of the time. I'd say it's a pure toss up. "That's ME!" No it's not. That's your brother. Anyways. Colby says this.

Colby: "Oh well. It doesn't matter, because I came out first!"
Quinn: "So!"
Colby: "Well, I got stuck on the way out."
Mom: "No you didn't!"
Colby: "Yes I did, Mom. I was small, so you don't remember. I got stuck, and you had to open the garage door wider."

WOW. Where did THAT come from????

A New Game

Reagan's eating her breakfast in the highchair, and I hear the boys in there bouncing a ball.

Colby: (bounce bounce) "Over the Precious Baby"
Quinn: (bounce bounce, giggle giggle) "Over the Precious Baby"
Colby: (bounce bounce, ha ha) "Over the Precious Baby"
Quinn: (bounce bounce, hee hee) "Over the Precious Baby"

Apparently, Reagan is some kind of "net" to bounce a ball over in a boy-invented game. I forsee trouble a-brewing. And WHERE did they get "precious baby" from???

Overheard

This is the last part of the conversation I picked up on....

Colby: "Well, who would take care of us, then?"
Quinn: "Nobody. We'd take care of ourselves."
Colby: "What would we eat?"
Quinn: "Bubble gum."
Colby: "But we don't know how to drive!"
Quinn: "I had a dream I learned how to drive. I can do it."
Colby: "We'd need the key to the restaurant..."
Quinn: "I found a key, remember?"

At this point, I made my presence known.
Mom: "What are you guys talking about?"
Quinn and Colby: "Nothing."
Quinn: "We're not talking about sneaking away at night to a restaurant."
Colby: "But we'd come back, Mom."


HMMMMM. Five years old, and they're already scheming about sneaking out at night. Am I in trouble or what?

Current Career Dreams

Periodically, Rob and I ask the boys what they want to be when they grow up. It used to be that Colby wanted to be a space man, and Quinn a chef. Then Quinn decided on a chef in space. About a month ago, it was a vetrinarian for both boys. Tonight, after a day celebrating their graduation from Kindergarten, we asked the same question. Colby wants to be a "real" doctor now, instead of an animal doctor. Quinn wants to be EVERYTHING, as long as he can do it in space. OK then.

Figures

Last day of school, and both boys have fevers. Figures. What a way to start summer vacation. Colby said "good thing we don't have school tomorrow, mom, or we'd have to stay home sick!" Great.

The Vet

The boys found "pet" catepillars last night. This isn't hard to do around here, given our current infestation of "tent catepillars". I insisted that they stay outside, to prevent the infestation from moving indoors. The boys put their pets in a jar outside in our 90-some degree weather. This morning, those catepillars were REALLY STILL.

Quinn: "Mom, the catepillars died".
Mom: "You can't put them out in the heat like that with a lid on the jar, and expect them to live."
Quinn: "We really need to take them to the vet!"
Mom: "It's a little late for that. Plus vets don't work on bugs."
Quinn: "WHY NOT????"

Too Much To Do

So, after a full day of school, after-school program, then playing outside in the yard, I had the boys come in to shower. It was an hour past bed-time by this point, and I found Colby crying on the stairs.

Mom: "What's the matter?"
Colby: "I was going to run through the sprinkler today, but I didn't have time!"

The kid couldn't even keep his eyes open, he was so tired. I assured him that this oppressive heat would still be around tomorrow, and we could run through the sprinkler then. Just not enough hours in the day, is there?

A Visit from The Tooth Fairy

The tooth fairy FOUND Quinn's teeny-tiny little tooth under that huge pillow, thankfully, and left him one gold coin worth a dollar. Quinn spent the entire next day singing "I'm RICH! I'm RICH! I'm RICH!"

Gap-Toothed Grin

Quinn finally lost his first tooth today, thanks to some overly-rambunctious play in a jump house. That method of tooth removal actually worked out really well, as the simple "pull it out by yourself" method didn't seem to be getting him anywhere. The tooth is currently nestled underneath his pillow, but the tooth fairy is a little worried about finding it in the dark, as it's SO DANG TINY! Colby is secretely hoping that the tooth fairy accidentally gets them mixed up and leaves the money under HIS pillow.

Rotten Teeth Part 2

Quinn crawled in to bed with me this morning, and immediately began talking about the tooth fairy. He wanted to know why only the TOOTH FAIRY was real, when I had told him all other fairies were make-believe. I told him we'd google it and find out. He wanted to know where tooth fairies lived, and what they ate, and what they did with the teeth when they were done with them. He wanted to know what KIND of clouds they lived on, because there are different types, you know, and they probably don't live on all three types. Where do you put the tooth so the tooth fairy can find it? When I said either in a glass of water by his bed, or under his pillow, he said "you can't put it in a cup. That'd be uncomfortable to sleep on!" He wanted to know what the inside of a tooth looked like, and why we lose baby teeth, and how long it would be until the big one came in, and why I have a wire in my mouth, and what are braces? We spent the early morning looking up pictures of tooth fairies, and then teeth, which eventually morphed into videos of rockets taking off and astronauts doing flips in space.

This curiosity is awesome to me, but I really have a hard time coming up with all the answers!!

Rotten Teeth

Colby and I were upstairs tonight reading a bedtime story, when we heard a horrendous wail from Quinn downstairs. He was supposed to be brushing his teeth. I assumed he must have impaled himself on the toilet plunger, it was such an excrutiating scream. I ran downstairs, and there was Quinn, bawling, tooth brush in hand. He could barely talk.

Mom: "Quinn!! Are you okay?? What happened??"

Quinn: "WAAAAHHHHH!"

Mom: "Did you bite your tongue while brushing your teeth?"

Quinn: (shaking his head no) "WAAAAAHHHHH!"

Mom: "What happened, then? Why are you crying?" He kept pointing to his mouth. I wasn't understanding. There was no blood, that much I could tell. Finally, he calmed down enough to take a breath.

Quinn: "My...My... Tooth is LOOSE! It's falling out!!!"

I hugged him and started laughing. Sure enough... bottom front left. Wiggly.

Mom: "Quinn, that just means that you're getting older, and that the big tooth is coming in underneath it! It's going to fall out, and the tooth fairy will come, and take it away and leave money!" That stopped his crying amazingly fast.

Quinn: "It's not rotting out because I don't brush enough?"

Mom: "No. It'd be black if that was the case."

Quinn: "OOOOOOOHHHHH. I thought it was rotting out of my head!"

No. Maybe I scared him too much when I told him his teeth would rot out of his head if he didn't brush them. Silly, silly boy.

Contact Sports

Swinging isn't typically considered a contact sport, unless you're an Aho boy. They were getting so wild on the tree-swing, and smacked enough times into the trunk, that head injuries were iminent. I insisted on helmets. That just made them feel free to go all the more crazy on the thing! Oh, the dream of sedate children. No wonder we end up in the emergency room so often.

Self-Destruct Mode Part 2

In the continuing saga of my children insisting on killing themselves....

Colby: "Mom, Quinn swallowed a penny!"
Mom: "WHAT??????"
Quinn: "It's okay, Mom. I washed it down with water so I wouldn't choke."

He's eating MONEY now??? On PURPOSE???

Taxes

Quinn has been saving his money to buy a toy car. It costs $9. He now has $9.56 saved up. This morning, he was wanting to bring the $.56 to school to buy a treat, and I informed him that he would need that change for the tax on the toy.

Q: "What's tax?"
M: "Money to the government. It costs money to spend money."
Q: "Why do they want money?"
M: "To build bridges, deliver the mail, that kind of thing.
Q: "So, they want to take my money so they can spend it themselves?"
M: "Yup. " Very well put, my boy.

Self-Destruct Mode

Honestly, keeping the children from killing themselves seems to be an enormous part of my job as mother. I found Colby in tears today, wtih wire ribbon wrapped tightly around his neck. Apparently he was "playing with it", and it began choking him. It took me a good minute or two to untangle it from around his neck, it was so tight. WHAT WAS HE THINKING? Nothing. That's what he was thinking. There were absolutely no higher level brainwaves involved in that activity. My boys are purely sensory-based human beings, and it apparently "feels cool" to play with wire ribbon around one's neck. That's my theory, at least. I have found Colby in the past with the cord from the blinds on the stairwell around his neck as well. Holy cow. This "sensory seeking" quality invariably leads to destruction and near-death experiences, because there is absolutely NO THOUGHT PROCESS involved. My GOODNESS. Yesterday while I was doing dishes and the boys were outside with Dad, they decided to play in the woods by themselves. Children playing in the woods by themselves is a bad idea for several reasons, among them:

#1: They were barefoot
#2: Ticks are out in full force at the moment
#3: There are wild animals (bears, coyotes, a random cougar sighting here and there), trails branching off for miles, and generalized danger lurking around every tree, which requires a safety awareness and maturity that, quite frankly, my five year old boys just DO NOT HAVE.

Daddy REALLY wants them to have the freedom of playing in the woods by themselves, as part of their idyllic childhood. I agree, that would be cool. But they are NOT READY. The child wraps wire around his neck for fun. He is not READY to be unsupervised. Will they survive into adulthood? I hope so, but I often have my doubts......

What goes around Comes Around

Colby: "Mom, you need to pull up your pants. Underwear is private."

OK then. That's fair. I say it to him 16,000 times a day.

Sentimentality... lack thereof

For their very first Christmas, I wrote each boy a special book. Quinn's is about him as a Prince, and his valiant fight against a dragon. Colby's stars himself as a superhero. Wrote the story, drew the pictures, and then hand-bound each in leather. Love in every fiber of these books, start to finish. Tonight at bed time, I found them both on the floor of the boys' room.

Mom: "Boys, what are your books doing on the ground? They're your special books! You have to take care of them!"
Quinn: "Mom, they're not special, they're OLD. We've had them since we were babies!"
Mom: "But I made them for you. They're very special. I don't want them to get ruined."
Quinn: "Well, what would happen if they got ruined?"
Mom: "I'd probably cry."
Quinn: "You'd cry, and..... what would happen to us?"
Mom: "I'd just cry."
Quinn: "That's it?"

Why do I get the impression he's weighing whether destroying an old book is worth it or not? Heck, if there's not a spanking involved, then might as well stomp on Mom's heart... I mean his special book. These boys are OBVIOUSLY not as sentimental as their mother.

Where Food Comes From

Against my better judgement, I let the boys watch a PBS special on slaughterhouses in America. Serious breech of sanity. Both boys were FULL of questions. "But WHY are they killing all the chickens?" "To make your chicken nuggets." Brutal honesty really isn't in my best interest, given the frequency with which we have chicken nuggets for dinner. Quinn insisted that he wanted his own chicken to keep as a pet, one that wouldn't be killed or taken to a factory. At dinner tonight (chicken nuggets, of course) they both said "but Mom, they don't LOOK like those chickens. Where do they put the chicken lips?" And Quinn wanted to know how a cow went from being cow-shaped to being shaped like a circle when in a hamburger. Trust me, you just don't want to know. Don't think about it, and eat eat eat, boys. Doesn't it taste good???

Tornados

I have the filthiest children on the planet. Honestly. Whirling dervishes of dirt, leaving trails of grime, noise, and chaos wherever they go. I love them desperately, and miss them the second (ok, not THE second... but some short time afterwards) I'm away from them. And then, when we're back to being in the same room, I feel my nerves start to twang, my voice involuntarily rise, and I suddenly morph into Drill Sargeant Mom, who counts to three a whole lot. "I said SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR DINNER. QUIETLY! YOU'RE SISTER IS TRYING TO SLEEP! ONE. TWO. THREE....." Oh boy.

Yesterday, I spent, literally, THREE HOURS cleaning the kitchen. Scrubbing down stools and cupboards full of dripped-on gunk and smeared handprints. I washed the floor on my hands and knees, did a sink and a half full of dishes, and polished every last appliance til it shown. Not 24 hours later, the kitchen is a PIT yet again. How did ketchup get on the ceiling? I have had the boys wash their hands (a struggle in and of itself) five times today, because they were fully BLACK with unimaginable things. I had a piece of paper that I was writing on, Colby lightly touched it, and I had to throw it away because of the filth. I am not an anal person. I am in no sense of the word a neat-nick, nor a germ-freak. But COME ON. They touch EVERY DISGUSTING THING with those hands. And a person would have absolutely no idea of their natural skin color if looking only at hands and face. Filthy filthy filthy filthy gross gross gross. Nightly showers only help keep them clean during sleeping hours. The second they arise, they are back at it.

THIS is why I have a blog. To vent. I have been told that some day I will yearn for smudgy little handprints on my windows. I'm having a really hard time believing that at the moment.

Quinn Town

We had grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner. This invariably brings up the fact that Colby has a cheese ostensibly named after him, which happens to be made in a Wisconsin town of the same name. We've seen it. It's there.

Quinn: "There's a town named Quinn, too."
Colby: "No there's not. You're lying."
Mom: "Let's google that after dinner."
Quinn: "They make Colby cheese in Colby town. What do they make in Quinn town?"
Mom: "I don't know. We'll look that up, too."
Quinn: "I think they make Queens. And Quilts. And other 'Q' stuff there."
Mom: "Maybe you're right!"
Quinn: "I bet it's near Juneau."
Mom: "Alaska?"
Quinn: "Yes. I'd like to live there."
Colby: "Not me. They're poor in Alaska."
Mom: "Who told you that?"
Colby: "You did, Mom." I have no recollection of that whatsoever. I imagine I DID discourage any thoughts of moving to Alaska. That's something Dad has always wanted, which I have always nixed. We're cold enough here, thank you very much.

I haven't had any luck finding Quinn Town. Colby asked me to check China. Nope. Quinn suggested the South Pole. Maybe the North Pole. Nah. JACKPOT! There it is. Quinn, South Dakota... Population 45. That's 18 males, 27 females. Divorce rate 0% (that's encouraging!), although one of those 45 people is apparently a registered sex offender. Hmmmm. Other known facts about Quinn, SD:
#16 on the list of "Top 101 counties with the highest percentage of residents that keep firearms around their homes"
#32 on the list of "Top 101 counties with the highest percentage of residents that smoked 100+ cigarettes in their lives" and...
#41 on the list of "Top 101 counties with the highest percentage of residents that had a sunburn in the past 12 months"

All good to know. Not sure how much Queen or Quilt making they do there, though.

Distinction

Colby: "Mom, some people call me Quinn because they can't tell I'm Colby."
Mom: "Yup."
Colby: "But my chin is longer than Quinn's."
Mom: "Who told you that?"
Colby: "I told myself! I looked in a mirror!"
Mom: "Ahhhh. I guess you're right."
Quinn: "Well, I'm darker."
Mom: "No, you guys have the same coloring."
Quinn: "No, my voice is darker and Colby's is lighter."
Mom: "Oh, you mean DEEPER?"
Quinn: "Yeah."
Mom: "Can you tell Dallace and Dallan apart in your class at school?"
Quinn and Colby: "No. They look exactly the same."

I find it interesting that they still can't consistently tell themselves apart in pictures unless they actually remember the picture taking experience. It seems so obvious to me.

Dinner Conversation

Tortellini tonight for dinner. Neither boy was thrilled with that.

Mom: "It's just noodles, cheese, chicken, musrhooms, and tomatos. You'll like it."
Quinn: "Are these the plain mushrooms I like?"
Mom: "Yes." Quinn took a bite.
Quinn: "NO THEY'RE NOT! They're all warm and sweaty!"

Minutes later.....
Quinn: "Mom, I'll have carrots for dessert. I LOVE carrots dipped in ranch. Carrots are a 'go food' (preschool talk for health food)."
Mom: "Yeah, but ranch dressing is a slow food. It has fat."
Quinn: "Funny. I don't taste the slow part. I don't taste the fat. I know. When you eat them together, the 'go' part takes over the 'slow' part."

I wish it worked like taht.

Financial Sense

Quinn: "Mom! Look what I found!"
Mom: "Oh, that's my silver dollar."
Quinn: "How do you know it's yours? I found it."
Mom: "I've had that silver dollar since I was a little girl. It's mine."
Quinn: "Well, if you've had it that long without spending it, you obviously don't need it."

Dang logic.

Financial Sense Part 2:
Colby: "Mom, can I do a chore to earn some money?"
Mom: "OK. You can clean the basement."
Quinn: "Mom, how much cents can I get if I clean half the basement?"
Mom: "Zero".
Quinn: "No. Like a penny? 25 cents? How much for each toy?"
Mom: "You clean it all for a dollar. If you don't clean it all, you get zero."
Quinn: "So, if I clean it all except one toy, I get nothing?"
Mom: "Exactamundo."
Quinn: "Essassimundo?"
Mom: "Just... Right. If you don't clean it all, you don't get any money."
Quinn: "Oh. OK."

Financial Sense Part 3:
I picked the boys up from school today, and was greeted by their teacher.
Mrs. VK: "Thank you so much for allowing Quinn to bring in that silver dollar today! We made a copy of it, and all the kids got to look at it, since we're studying money!"
Mom: "Oh." (Glare at child, who EXPRESSLY disobeyed when I told him not to bring the silver dollar to school. And now he's getting teacher kudos for it!)

Phone Numbers

Quinn reportedly got the phone number of a friend at school yesterday. Rob asked if he had a girlfriend now, which Quinn adamantly denied. I guess Quinn was so excited that he slept with the piece of paper it was written on. This morning, he woke up and immediately brought me the phone and his treasured paper.

Quinn: "Mom, I have TJ's phone number. Let's call it."
Mom: "What is it?"
Quinn: "10 9 3 4 8 10 9 2"
Mom: "That's not a phone number, Quinn."
Quinn: "Yes it is. TJ's phone number"
Mom: "TJ's phone number would start with the numbers 523."
Quinn: "OK. His number is 523 10 9 3 4 8 10 9 2"

He showed me his paper. Those WERE the numbers written on it. Except the 9's looked like P's. Which still doesn't help us in getting ahold of TJ.

The Future Daughter In Law

Colby: "Mom, we have three Daddy's and two Mommy's in this house."
Mom: "Oh, you mean when you grow up?"
Colby: "Yeah. We will grow up to be Daddy's, and Reagan will grow up to be a Mommy."
Mom: "MmmHmm."
Quinn: "So we'll marry a girl?"
Mom: "Yup. I'll pick out a nice one for you."
Quinn: "I thought I got to pick her out!"
Mom: "Nope. That's my job. I get to pick one out, and then you'll live right next door to me."
Colby: "But I want to live in Africa!"
Quinn: "I want to live in Australia!"
Mom: "Too far away. You'll live next door to me."
Quinn and Colby: "OK."

Rob: "You're gonna write that one down in the blog for the record, aren't you?"
Mom: "You bet."

Sisters

Quinn (pushing his sister in a pedal car): "Wow, Mom. Reagan's not bugging me! I'm actually playing with Reagan for the first time!"
Mom: "Well, it's about time. Colby plays with her all the time."
Quinn: "Well, she's not crying. She's having fun! She's not bugging me!"
Mom: "See, it can be fun to play with her."
Quinn: "That's why she was crying all the time. Because I wasn't playing with her."
Mom: "Maybe."
Quinn: "Mom, can I have a dollar for playing with Reagan?"
Mom: "Nope."

For the record, the above picture is actually of Colby. By the time I got my camera, Quinn had had enough of playing with Reagan, it was Colby's turn to push her around in the car. So much for that.

Health Food, Overheard

Colby: "I want a corn dog for lunch."
Quinn: "I don't LIKE corn dogs."
Colby: "How can you not like corn dogs? They're healthy for you!"
Quinn: "Colby. It's a HOT DOG. On a STICK. Without ketchup and mustard!!! It's NOT healthy."
Colby: "Sure it is. The bread makes it healthy."

The obvious, incredulous impatience in Quinn's voice just was classic.

Toys

Mom: "Boys, put your Bakugan's away. No toys at the breakfast table."
Quinn: "A Bakugan's not a toy. I saw big kids playing with them, and big kids don't play with toys."
Mom: "Sure they do. "
Quinn: "No, when you're grown up and out of school, when you're a daddy, you don't have toys."
Mom: "Uhhhhh... the toys just get bigger and more expensive. Like an AIRPLANE."
Quinn: "Oh."

Questions I Can't Answer

Quinn: "Mom, if dolphins breathe air instead of water, why don't they drown when they sleep?"

I just Googled dolphin sleep, because I couldn't stand not knowing the answer. How DO they sleep? Listen to this...

Dolphins have to be conscious to breathe. This means that they cannot go into a full deep sleep, because then they would suffocate. Dolphins have "solved" that by letting one half of their brain sleep at a time. This has been determined by doing EEG studies on dolphins. Dolphins sleep about 8 hours day in this fashion.

No WAY!

A Diagnosis

Just got back from the Marshfield Clinic in Wisconsin, where we spent last night. The pediatric cardiologist there asked to see him right away ("you mean right now? Today? You know that's five hours away from here and we won't be there until after work hours?"). She stayed late for us, which was awfully nice of her. And then spent another two and a half hours checking him out. LUCKILY.... no endocarditis. WHEW. What a relief. Rob was still out of town, so I packed up all three kids, and caravaned with Al and LaVerne to Wisconsin for the evening. The cardiologist sent us to an infectious disease specialist this morning, who concluded that the reason the past SIX doctors couldn't find the source of this alleged infection is that there wasn't any to be found. His words... Quinn's body is fighting "evil spirits". It's thinking that there's an infection to fight when there's not. He diagnosed Still's disease, which is a form of Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis. Quinn doesn't have joint pain or stiffness, though, so... I don't know. We're hoping this is an isolated event, and that our two week course of anti-inflammatories will be enough to knock the fevers out once and for all. It's at least reassuring that none of the big scary things that were lurking in the back of our minds (cancer, heart, or kidney infection in his lone kidney) turned out to be the source of the past two weeks worth of fevers. Last night's fever topped 102, but today he is fever free and currently riding his scooter with his brother, so.... things are looking up.

Exhausting few days. Now it's time to shift gears, realize that it's Holy Week, and start preparing for Easter!!!

Prayers for Quinn

A trip to the emergency room last night for Quinn. The fever persists (day 12, off and on) and got up to 105 last night. Too scary for this mom. The emergency department was wonderful and thorough, which is JUST what I wanted them to be. Still don't have a firm diagnosis, awaiting a blood culture result and an echocardiogram, but all indicators at this time are pointing to infective endocarditis - a bacterial infection of the heart, most likely caused by his recent trip to the dentist. Quinn was SO BRAVE through the 3 hour visit. So many pokes and tests and shots. He held it together right until the end, when there were two shots given in his legs. Poor kid. We see the pediatrician today, who will get us in to the pediatric cardiologist as soon as possible (hopefully today or tomorrow), so we can get to the bottom of this thing, and get our little boy well. Can I just say that this spring break has SUCKED. Beautiful weather (over 70 degrees!!) outside, and Rob's out of town, I have been on call for work, and now have a sick kid in need of urgent care out of town. Poor Quinn. He's such a trooper. Prayers are appreciated.

The President

Every time the boys talk about the President of the United States, they call him "Baracky Obama". I don't know where it came from, but it makes me laugh every time. I should probably correct them, but I can't bring myself to do it.

The Easter Man

Quinn: "Mom, if I'm bad, will the Easter Man still bring me an Easter Basket?"
Mom: "Don't you mean the Easter Bunny?"
Quinn: "No, isn't he an Easter Man? He's a man in a costume."

This had come after a previous conversation in which Quinn came straight out and asked me if the Easter Bunny was real. "A little" was my answer. I didn't want to lie, but I'm not quite ready yet for him to lose all the magic and fun of childhood. At the time, he had nodded sagely, and said "OHHH. A little like he's not a real BUNNY, but a man dressed up in a costume that comes into our house and hides the basket." Something like that.

Quinn: "So why do we still get an Easter basket even if we've been bad?"
Mom: "Easter is something we should celebrate whether we've been good or bad, because Jesus took our sins away when He died and rose again."
Quinn: "No. I know why. The Easter Man doesn't have a big screen to watch us all the time like Santa does."

Sore Throats

Colby has been talking. Non-stop. His voice sounds totally different now sans tonsils, and I don't know if it's because he's hoarse, or if it will stay that way, but he apparently really likes the sound of this new voice, because he has not. stopped. talking. since getting home last night. This morning, bright and early, the motor-mouth began again.

Colby: "Mom I had tape and a needle on my hand and I couldn't move my arm the doctor was silly and put the thing on my toe instead of my finger I get to eat yogurt for breakfast I don't have to go to school because I have a sore throat I have medicine to take but it's not working yet because my throat is sore I don't have to go to school I can watch a little tv and play candyland but I can't run......."

Quinn: "OH, stop talking about your sore throat! You talk about your sore throat all day! Enough about your sore throat!"

I had to laugh. I think Quinn's a little out of sorts because the doctor told us that HE shouldn't go to school until we figure out this fever thing, but I'm making him go anyways, because he's FINE, and has no temp during the day, and he's already missed a ton. He goes to the doctor this afternoon. I'm certain he's not contagious, because otherwise his brother (with whom he eats, breathes and sleeps) would be sick right now, and he's not. Although Colby does have a sore throat from surgery and he doesn't have to go to school but gets to stay home and eat ice cream and yogurt even though Quinn has to go to school and isn't he lucky he gets to stay home and watch tv and play games with mom but he can't run because the doctor said and he put this thing on his toe instead of his finger which was so silly but the medicine will work soon so his throats not sore theres four of them and they don't taste good........ (GASP).

Parts

As far as non-essential organs go, Colby's lost just about all he comfortably can. The spare kidney? Gone. Tonsils? Gone. Adenoids? Gone. Even his hair is shaved short. He still has an appendix, I guess, but other than that, the parts that remain are all ones we really need to keep. We've honed him down to a lean, mean, Colby machine. No extra fluff, no redundant back-up systems. Poor kid. He's sounding really hoarse, but he did a really good job today with surgery. Anesthesia made him nauseous, and he vomitted several times, which CAN'T feel good on a raw throat, but other than that, he's doing pretty good!

Quinn ended up having to stay home from school again (doctor's orders) until we can get him in to his primary physician to see WHY he keeps getting a low-grade fever every evening when there's no stuffy nose, no sore throat, no tummy ache, and (as we found out last night) thankfully no kidney infection. A trip to the walk-in clinic last night told us that he had some odd things in his urine, and a previously undiscovered heart murmur. He feels FINE though, and it seems pointless to keep him out of school! Oh well. Tomorrow is his turn at the doctors.

Reagan was in to see the doctor YESTERDAY with a sinus infection. So all three children needing medical care at roughly the same time. The perfect storm of childhood illnesses. My cupboard looks like an apothecary. I picked up FIVE prescription medications today, for a total in the three-figure range. SHEESH.

Would NOT have been able to manage today without the help of Rob's folks, as Rob had meetings all day. Sometimes I feel that two parents just aren't enough to raise three children.

Poor Quinn

Day #3 of Quinn's low grade fever, which at times turned not so low-grade. Last night it was up to 103. Proof that he's not feeling up to par - we read the ENTIRE book of "The Wizard of Oz" yesterday, and added two more hours of book time today. Normally attention spans wouldn't even BEGIN to last that long. He slept much of the day yesterday, but today feels fine, with the exception of this annoying, low-grade fever. Enough to keep him home from school, but not enough to knock him for a loop like yesterday. What to do with him??? After the read-a-thon this morning, I let him play a few games on the computer. He chose hotwheels.com. I chose Zoodles.

Quinn: "Mom, I don't LIKE Zoodles."
Mom: "Why not?"
Quinn: "It's all about letters, and learning and stuff!!"
Mom: "OHHHH. Educational. You're SUPPOSED to be in school, so learning would be a good choice."
Quinn: "Maybe I'll just be done with the computer." That was fine by me.

Later, sitting at the kitchen table, he says nonchalantly:
Quinn: "Boy, sure is a nice day for swimming in the hot tub."
Mom: "Maybe not. You have a fever."
Quinn: "Sure a nice day to go to the park."
Mom: "Nope. You have a fever."
Quinn: "Could you teach me to ride a two-wheeler?"
Mom: "What do you think?"


SOOOO HARD to be technically not able to go to school, but feeling FINE. What to do, what to do???

Addendum: Quinn's fever persists, and he reportedly laid low the rest of the afternoon. The unexplained temperature has spread to his sister now. She took a six hour nap this afternoon. I'm trying to isolate Colby, as he's got to stay well for surgery on Wednesday!! Those tonsils NEED to come out! We're apparently germ central over here!

Found Colby playing up in the treehouse today. I yelled up to him.

Mom: "Hey Colby! Whatcha doin' up there?"

Colby: "Smiling and being cute!"

OOOOHHHHH. Right you are.

Overheard

Colby: "Mom! I used the shampoo to wash myself in the shower tonight. I want to be cleanish for Sunday school".

Clean -ish. That's the best we can hope for around here.

Brothers

I shared a room with my sister for YEARS, and I don't remember ever getting up in the middle of the night and sneaking into bed with her. In fact, I distinctly remember certain "lines" being drawn down the middle of the room, which neither of us were to cross. Found Quinn on the top bunk with Colby this morning, the two of them snuggled under the covers. I hope they stay close their whole lives, because they certainly are each other's worlds right now!