Emotion

At dinner last night:

Colby: "What kind of critter do secret agents like best?"
Mom: "I know.  A spy-der."
Colby: "YES!"
Quinn (sounding JUST like Beavis and Butthead): "heh heh heh"

I laughed out loud at Quinn's laugh, because it was just so PHONY, and he didn't even realize it was.

Colby: "Mom, that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh for real!"
Mom: "Really?  I laugh all the time."
Colby: "But not for REAL."
And then both boys started laughing uncontrollably, like they do, over nothing.  And I realized it was true.... I don't laugh like that.  At least, not alot.  And not around them.  When did I stop laughing for real????  When did I become a grown up??  I'm always the straight-man in the "Quinn and Colby" show.  The one to tell them to quiet down, and use good manners, and get their hands out of their pants,and stop picking their nose.  They never get to see me having fun.  And that bothers me.

Colby: "It's okay, Mom.  I've never seen you cry for real, either."
Mom: "Really?"
Colby: "Nope."

So interesting to me, their perceptions. I never thought about that.  I save my emotion for after they're in bed, when I'm unloading to their father (lucky guy).  Like there's some unspoken rule that a parent needs to be STRONG and CONTROLLED around their kids (well, they've seen me angry lots and lots of times, I guess).  I need to let them know how much JOY they bring me.  And to share in the silliness that seems to be their world on a daily basis.  I'm always so busy trying to UN-silly them, maybe it's okay to join in.  Just every once in a while.

Because they really should know that their mom can laugh.