Walmart

Had all three kids with me today at Walmart, something I usually dread. Today, all three were extremely well behaved! Quinn pushed the cart with his little sister in it, while Colby "led the way" to whichever item was next on the list. It was orderly (except when Quinn ran into other people or carts, since he couldn't actually SEE where he was going) and peaceful. Wow. Quinn noticed how well the trip was going.

Q: "MOM! I'm being a regular person! I'm pushing the cart!"
Mom: "Yes. I like you being a regular person."

I think we were referring to different things, but still...

Logic to Make a Mother Worry

Colby: "Mom, why do you go to jail if you drink and drive?"
Mom: "Because when you drink, it makes you a bad driver, and you could crash."
Colby: "Oh, I get it. If you crash, it would spill your drink!"

Holiday Checklist

Before school today, Colby piped up with this:

Colby: "Mom, you've decorated the house and cleaned, but we haven't done our holiday baking yet!"
Mom: "Holiday baking?"
Colby: "Yes! What are we going to feed Santa when he comes? And do you have the carrots for the reindeer yet?"
Mom: "Yes. I remembered the carrots. But you're right - we haven't made cookies for Santa. Maybe today when you get home from school."
Colby: "Good. We have to be ready."

I was sort of surprised at his accurate checklist. Don't know where he got it, but it was the exact same checklist that was going through MY head.

Tom Foolery

TRYING to focus the children enough to get their jammies on tonight.

Mom: "Quinn, get your jammies on."
Quinn: "I'm not Quinn. I'm Colby."
Mom: "Whatever, Quinn. Just put your pajamas on."
Quinn: "I'm not Quinn, I'm Colby."
Mom: "Maybe you should try fooling someone who didn't give birth to you. That doesn't work on moms. Get your pajamas on. Colby! Get in here and put your pajamas on!"
Colby: "I'm not Colby. I'm Quinn."
Mom: "BOYS! You're making me mad! Quit messing around and get your pajamas on!"
Colby: "We're not boys. We're Quinn and Colby. And I'm the first one."

AAARRRRGGGHHHHH.

Church

OK. I'm sure this somehow makes me a really bad parent, but... in desperation today.... I bribed my children to sit still and pay attention in church. The offer? One solid M&M for every question they got right on the way home from church. It worked moderately well.

Mom: "What did Father talk about today?"
Quinn: "Cats!" OK... it was an analogy, but the image of a cat WAS used, so... one point.
Mom: "Name one prayer we said."
Colby: "The Our Father!"
Mom: "Name one song we sung."
Rob: "Oh, Maria!" HEY! I didn't know Dad's were playing, too. One point for Dad.
Mom: "What is the name of our priest?"
Colby: "Uncle BOB!" Uhhhhh..... no.
Mom: "Try again. What's the name of our priest?"
Colby: "Father Bob!" Still, no.
Mom: "One more time. What's his name?"
Quinn: "Father AL".

When I asked what the name of the Pastor was at St. Peter and Paul, Quinn said this...
Quinn: "But you already SAID his name. Pastor!"
Mom: "No. What's his NAME?"
Quinn: "Pastor!"
Mom: "No. His name!"
Quinn: "What, you mean like a LAST name?"
Mom: "Yes."
Quinn: "OOOOHHHHH. Pastor Weber."
Thank you.

The question no one, including Dad, apparently knew the answer to... the color of today's vestments. We had green, white, red, and dark yellow given as guesses. Was no one looking forward the entire service? Even when they shook the man's hand as they left the church??? Come on, people. It's PURPLE! He was ENSCONCED in PURPLE! From his neck to his toes! Sheesh.

Chefs

The boys asked me if they could make their own breakfast this morning. I told them yes. They decided to make sandwiches. Still ok. Soon, I see Quinn eating his sandwich..... peanut butter, jelly and chocolate chip cookie on pumpernikel. Um, no. Try again.

Secret Keepers

Quinn "fell" on a present this morning, "accidentally" ripping it to find out what was inside. Luckily, it wasn't one for them. "Mom, but who's getting the play-doh, then?" HMMMM. They duct-taped that present back together. It's truly lovely. I had told the boys what "they" got Dad for Christmas, enforcing that it was a secret, and not to tell Dad, because we want him to be surprised on Christmas morning. Quinn just told me "I didn't tell him the WHOLE thing. Just the first three words of what it was. There's four words to it." UGH. I can't imagine what Rob might think a book-shaped package is that starts with "A Paper Airplane ______".

Santa

Quinn: "Mom, Santa can see you, and knows if you've been naughty".
Mom: "Yep."
Colby: "He can hear us, too. " (Yelling) "Santa! I want Jenga for Christmas!!!!"
Mom: "Maybe you should've put that in your letter."
Quinn: "No, he can see us and hear us. He's got LOOOONNNNG eyes from the North Pole."

OK.

Budding Entrepenuers

Quinn wants to sell things. For money. Because he wants to buy candy at school. I told him he could EARN money by working, but that option was nixed as too labor-intensive.

Quinn: "No. I want to set up a table by the ice cream palor, and people can walk by and buy things to give me money."
Mom: "What are you going to sell?"
Quinn: "Hot Wheel cars."
Colby: "NO! I love Hot Wheels!"
Quinn: "I'll only sell the ones you don't like. People do that. They sell the stuff they don't like."
Mom: "And how much are you going to sell them for?"
Quinn: "$1. No. $10."
Colby: "You should sell them for $50."
Mom: "And what makes you think people will buy used Hot Wheels from you when they can go to Walmart and buy them new for $.97?"
Quinn: "Because we'll be at the ice cream store. People buy things at the ice cream store." (Yeah, blueberries, strawberries, lemonade.... THAT'S what people set up stands for and sell in front of our local ice cream parlor).
Mom: "And what will you buy with all the money you earn?"
Quinn: "Pixie Stix"
Colby: "Chocolate Lipstick".

Fabulous.

Kindergarten Drama

The answer to the question "How was school today?"

Quinn: "I was sitting next to Dallace at lunch, and he hit me. I told him 'it's okay, you're still my dude.'"

I'm going to have to use that one myself in the future. No problem. You're still my dude.....

New Rules

Due to wintery driving conditions and a mother who is deathly afraid of killing her children in a motor vehicle accident, our mini-van has officially been designated "The Happiest Van on Earth." This means that fighting, arguing, yelling, and all manner of disruptive behavior is NOT ALLOWED. If such behaviors infringe upon the peace and contentment of "The Happiest Van on Earth", the guilty party will be politely deposited by the side of the road, to be picked up at a later time of Mom's choosing. Driving in blizzards with small children in a mini-van is a harrowing experience, and thus drastic measures needed to be devised.

Overheard

The scene: Two dripping naked boys, just out of the shower.

Quinn: "Hey,Colby. If we run around really fast, the water will fall off!"
Colby: "Who told you THAT?"
Quinn: "I told myself!"
Colby: "Oh, ok."

Big Eyes

It's a snow day, so no school. Thought we'd make some treats for the school bake sale. I had the boys looking through my Food and Family magazines to pick out what they wanted to make. Quinn saw an advertisement for Mac n' Cheese, with a kid dressed up like a superhero.

Quinn: "Look, Mom! If I eat mac n' cheese, I'll be a superhero!"
Colby: "No, superheros are just pretend".
Quinn: "There's one superhero. GOD!"
Colby: "Oh yeah. God's the biggest superhero on the earth."
Quinn: "God's the biggest superhero in the whole universe!"
Colby: "Yeah. But other superheros are pretend."
Quinn: "How does God see EVERYONE at the same time?"
Mom: "It's one of His super powers, I guess".
Colby: "He can see everyone in Washington and Africa at the SAME TIME!"
Mom: " Yup".
Quinn: "That must be really hard."
Mom: "Not for God."
Colby: "I know how He does it. He has REALLY big eyes!"
Quinn: (movng his head from side to side and squiggling his eyes all around) "No, He goes like THIS all the time".

HMMMM. Who knows? Maybe so. Maybe so.

A Makeover

My conversation with the boys this morning....

Mom: "Hey, boys, do you notice anything different about me?"
Q&C: "Uh.... no."
Mom: "Look hard. What's different about me?"
C: "You....uh.... bought us a present?"
M: "No."
Q: "You're squishing your face up, to look mean?"
M: "No." I just woke up! It's bright in here!!!
Q&C: "I don't know."
M: "Is my hair the same color as it was yesterday?"
Q&C: "Yes. No."
M: "What color was my hair yesterday?"
Q&C: "Black. Brown. No. Yellow." Unfortunately, all of the above.
M: "And what color is it today."
Q&C: "BROWN!"
M: "Yes. Brown. My hair is now brown."
C: "Weird, Mom. How'd you do that?"

Clairol, my friend.... Miss Clairol.