Dinner Conversation Down the Tubes

Quinn:  "Mom, I met a boy on the bus today who's dad went to jail, and he did nothing wrong."
Monica: "Are you sure about that?  They don't usually put people in jail for doing nothing."
Quinn: "He said that a girl said his dad shot her, but she just hates him."
Mom: "Uhhhhhh"
Dad (who was falsely accused at work today of dumping garbage in the MTU dumpster, by virtue of garbage bags in the back of his truck on Chassell garbage day, which he didn't really do, and there's a building Nazi who is after him and he DIDN'T DO IT, and he's going to bring in the receipts to prove it, he'll show HER!!!): "Remember, we are all innocent until proven guilty."
Mom: "OR, maybe we don't want you hanging around this kid."
Quinn: "It wasn't even HIS gun.  The boy has 8 guns, and only one gun is his dad's."
Mom: "Again, maybe we don't want you hanging around this kid."
Quinn: "This is the second time his dad's been in jail.  The first time he really did it, but this time he didn't."
Mom: "What was his dad in jail for the first time?"
Quinn: "Strangling up a girl".
Mom: "UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH". 
Dad: "Strangling up a girl?  What does that mean?"
Colby: "It means he strangled up a girl!"
Mom: "Maybe we don't want you hanging around this kid."
Dad:  "BURP".
Quinn and Colby:  "hee hee hee hee"
Dad: "That was an exclamation point burp".
Quinn: "BURP"
Colby: "BURP"
Reagan: "Screech!  Burp!"

Quinn, Colby, Reagan, and Daddy: "Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee"

Mom leaves the room, shaking her head at the complete loss of sanity.

The Loophole

The boys have been "wandering" during meals lately.  As in carrying their food and walking around the kitchen while eating.  Besides the lack of manners this shows, it increases the mess on the floor, which is the ULTIMATE SIN in my world.  I am only very questionably keeping up with housework as it is ((understatement -- I hear my husband smirking at that statement right now)).  Anyways.  I told both boys that they needed to eat their food at the kitchen table, and if they even stepped foot on the kitchen floor, snack time was OVER.  Then I turned my back and commenced doing dishes. 

Not two minutes later, I turn around to find Quinn standing on the dining room table, a full room away, munching on a hard-boiled egg.

Mom: "QUINN!  WHAT did I tell you about eating your food at the table??"
Quinn: "You said don't touch the kitchen floor, and I didn't!  I went from one stool to the next, and made it up here without touching the floor!"
Mom:  "That's not what I said."
Colby: "Yes it is.  I heard you."
Quinn: "You degreed it."
Mom: "What?"
Quinn:  "You degreed, I could eat as long as I didn't touch the kitchen floor."

I'm thinking he meant that I agreed that he could eat as long as his feet didn't touch the floor.  Either way, that's not what I MEANT.  C'mon.  Really?!?!?!

Merry Chrisma....er.... Easter?

Colby woke up bright and early this Holy Saturday morning, looked out the window, and said

"MAN!  It's SNOWING AGAIN!"

Tell me about it, son.  Ridiculous.

Just Like Grandma's

Went all out and made the boys peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for dinner after I got home from work.  Quinn loved his, and asked for a second.

Quinn: "Mom, is that Grandma Fran's jelly on my sandwich?"
Mom: "No, it's the blueberry jam I made last summer."
Quinn: "Well, it's so good, you must've used her recipe.  It tastes just like hers."

He doesn't know that this is the highest compliment he could possibly give me.  It literally brought tears to my eyes.

Homework Frustration

There's alot of "catch up" homework to do after getting home from our big trip.  It's been a struggle for all of us.  Today after school, I sat the boys down to do their math homework.  When I went back to check to see how it was going, there were still several blank answers, and the following sentence on the bottom of the page....
"I GIVE UP TECHR".

UGH.

Of Walmart and Wishbones

Took the boys to Walmart to grocery shop with me tonight.  I LOATHE grocery shopping with my boys.  It's one of my least-favorite times as a parent.  They were running around like the wild-men of Borneo, lying on the floor, hiding in the clothes racks, shouting to each other from different aisles.  Miserable.  I pretended not to be with them, donning a "who are these kids and why are they following me????" expression.  At one point, Quinn asked if we could buy a whole chicken.

Me: "No, I don't think we need a chicken."
Q: "Yes we do!  They have a wish bone!"
Me: "Yeah.  So."
Q: "You could make a wish!"
Me: "Uhhhhhhhh."
Q: "I know what you'd wish for."
Me: "You do?  What?"
Q: "For us to be good boys."
Me: "WOW.  You just read my mind.  That's amazing."
Q: "Mom, we're good boys sometimes."
Me: "Those times are very few and far between."
Q: "We're just having some fun!"  And then he runs away to play hide and seek in the the toilet paper and cleaning supplies.

SIGH.  It frustrates me that they KNOW they're being hooligans, and they really just don't care.  And nothing I say or do seems to make a hill of beans difference.  SIGH.

End Of My Rope

There was alot of driving yesterday, going up to the Volcano.  Alot of "cooped up in the car while it's pouring down rain" time.  Alot of screaming, fidgeting, not keeping hands to self time from the back seat.  I had had enough.

Mom: "BOYS!  Stop it right now!  I'm at the end of my rope!"
Colby: "End of your rope?  What does that mean?"
Mom: "It means I can't take anymore!"
Quinn: "What part of the rope do you normally hold on to?"

((sigh))  I guess I have to admit that I live my life at the end of my rope.

M'mmmmmmm Coffee

Robbie woke up this morning with one thing on his mind.... Kona Coffee.
Rob: "I have a new palatial favorite."
Me: "Huh?"
Rob: "A new palatial favorite.  Kona coffee.  It's a feast for the palatte."
Me: "Palatial?"
Rob: "I have to make up words to describe it."
Me: "Except that word is already made up and means something entirely different."
Rob: "Oh".

hee hee hee

Da Da Da's

When the boys were one year old , they would strip down to their diapers and run around screaming "Da Da Da".  I would register dread whenever I heard "Da Da Da" because it never meant anything good.  This was twin-speak for "running around like mad-men while naked or nearly naked".  Of all the twinspeak that the boys had (which persisted well into their 4th year), this one word persisted the longest.  It usually ended in some kind of carnage or destruction.  This morning, at six years old, Quinn showed up in underwear, and Colby said "Hey, Mom, Quinn is playing Da Da Da!"    I hadn't heard the 'word' for several years.  Sometimes I'm amazed at the things they remember.  The ONE thing I wish they'd forget!!!

The Mail

Colby just wrote a letter, put it outside in the mailbox, and raised the flag.  When he came back in, I asked him what that was all about.

Colby: "Oh, I'm just mailing a letter."
Mom: "To who?"
Colby: "Dallan from school."
Mom: "What did you write?"
Colby: "Since I won't see him, I told him to ask his mom to drive him to Chicago, and meet us on the plane going to Hawaii.  She might say yes, or she might say no.  I don't know."
Mom: "You invited him to Hawaii with us?"
Colby:  "Well, he wanted to go."

Yeah - his mom might say yes.  Sure.

The Man Upstairs

Rob was explaining to the boys this morning that our upcoming vacation does not involve an amusement park or water slide in any form.  That was blowing their minds a bit.... WHAT?!?! A vacation without an amusement park?  Doesn't that go against the very DEFINITION of vacation?!?!?!?!

Rob:  "This will be Nature's roller coaster.  We'll get to see and enjoy all kinds of natural stuff".
Quinn: "Oh, good.  So there's a roller coaster."
Rob: "No.  I meant that on this vacation, we'll be enjoying the exciting things that 'The Big Guy' made."
Quinn: "Who's the 'Big Guy'?"
Colby: "I know.  DAD!"
Rob: "No.  I mean 'The Man Upstairs'".
Colby:  "That's STILL you, Dad!  You live upstairs!"

Overhearing this conversation from the bathroom, I couldn't help but think two things....
#1 -  Idioms are lost on 6 year old boys
#2 - Rob's head was about to swell to the size of the "Big Island" we're planning to visit.