Sunday School

Quinn's Report From School

Had to share THIS report that Quinn brought home from school yesterday:

"If I could give any gift I would give a playground to the orphanage, because they have no home.  And why does that matter?  There's three things you have to do to stay alive: 1 is food, 2 is water, and 3 a warm place to live.  And another reason why I'm going to give a playground to the orphanage is no parents.  Because parents pay the electric bill or the heating bill.  And the last reason is no toys.  You know when you're bored, you can play with toys.  Not in the orphanage.  And that's why I'm giving a plaground to the orphans."

Such a nice sentiment, Quinn.  And glad to know that the only reason parents are important in a child's life is to pay the electric and heating bills.

Nice Try

Colby-man has a sensitivity to wheat and is on a gluten-free diet.  He knows this, and HATES this.  But, when he eats alot of wheat, it gets kinda ugly, so.... rice flour it is.  YUM.  Anyways, that's really hard for a little boy to do when he's surrounded by Christmas cookies, and wheat flour birthday cakes, so we allow him one "gluten" day a week - whatever day of his choice.  We were at several Christmas-themed events yesterday where cookies were abundantly available, so that was a no-brainer.  Saturday was "gluten day".

This morning, I found him eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on whole wheat bread.
Mom: "COLBY!  I thought yesterday  was 'gluten day'!  Why are you eating bread today?"

Deer in headlights stare.  Caught red-handed (well, brown-handed, as he's not so neat with peanut butter) .....

Colby: "Uhhhh, I'm not Colby.  HE IS!"  And then he pointed to his brother.  Who, by the way, was also eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Mom: "Nice try.  I gave birth to you.  You're not fooling me."

Colby: "I can try."

States of Matter

Quinn was staring intently at the lit advent wreath last night, and popped off with this question:
Quinn: "Is fire a liquid, a solid, or a gas?"
UHHHHHHHHHHH.  OK.  GOOD question. 
Mom: "I think it must be a gas.  Except, it consumes gas, so.... maybe not."
Rob: "It's an exothermic reaction releasing energy from a solid and converting it to a gas.  It's just a chemical reaction, it isn't matter."
Quinn: "But the flame ITSELF.  What is that??"
Rob: "Uhhhhhh"
So, we googled it (AFTER we finished our prayers for Advent, of course).

Do YOU know the answer?  Because I bet you were taught, like we were, that there are three states of matter. 

WRONG.  There's a fourth state.  PLASMA.

Fire is plasma.  Who knew?

Continue about your day now.

Breakfast Burps

The scene:  Reagan, Quinn, Colby and I sitting at the breakfast table this morning.

Colby: "BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRPPPPPPPP."
Mom: ((scowl, while patiently waiting to see if good manners kick in))
Quinn: "Colby, what do you say?"
Reagan: "Excuse me!  You should say excuse me!"
Colby: "That one almost hit the ceiling."
Quinn: "No, Colby... what do you say?"
Reagan: "Excuse me! Right mom?  He should say excuse me!"
Colby: "That's a doozie!"
Quinn: "No, Colby.  What do you say?"
Reagan: "EXCUSE ME!  SAY EXCUSE ME!"
Colby: "Uhhhhhhhhhhhh....."
Quinn: "Colby, you're supposed to say 'that tasted alot better going down than it did coming up'."
Colby: "That tasted alot better going down than it did coming up".
Quinn: "Thank you."

Annnnnnddd... dash the mother's hopes.  I honestly thought there for a second that I witnessing a giant leap forward in the civility of my children.  So gullible. 

Oh MY!

Quinn came home with THIS answer on his Social Studies test today:

"Pubic property is something everyone can go on". 

((sigh))

Creative Genius

The video speaks for itself....

Wedgies

Mom: "Colby, get some clean underwear out of the laundry basket."
Colby: "I can only find Diego underwear in there!"
Mom: "So?  What does that matter??"
Colby: "I can't wear Diego underwear to school!"
Mom: "Why not?  No one sees your underwear."
Colby: "Yes they do!"
Mom: "Really?!?!"
Colby:  "TJ gives me wedgies.  And if he sees Diego underwear, when he gives me a wedgie, he'll laugh at me!"

Then by all means, prepare for the wedgie by wearing "cool" underwear, my son.  SO glad I'm not in the 3rd grade anymore!

Christopher Columbus Biography Report - by Quinn Aho

WHA?????

Holy Bowl-Me-Over, Batman!

I was lying in bed this morning, when I heard someone rustling around with backpacks.  This usually means that one child or another is trying to sneak a toy to school.  I dragged my carcass out of bed to investigate. 

That's when I saw it.

My son.   MAKING HIS LUNCH FOR SCHOOL.  I nearly fainted.

Me: "Colby, what are you doing?"
Colby: "Making my lunch."
Me: "Uhhhhhh, good job!  I'll get your breakfast ready."
Colby: "I already made my own breakfast, Mom.  I'm done eating."
Me: "OK.  I'll get your vitamins."
Colby: "I got my own, Mom."  And he stuck a Barney Rubble out of his mouth. 
Me: "So... I'll find your clothes."
Colby: "I'm already dressed, see?"  Oh yeah.  He was.  In clean, temperature-appropriate, matching clothes.   "It's gym class today, so I wore sweats.  And I'm wearing a t-shirt under my sweatshirt in case I get too warm at recess".

So, with nothing to do, I got out his backpack and went through his papers from yesterday.  Both boys have been struggling with the adjustment to third grade.  Imagine my shock when I pulled out 9 papers.... 8 A's, and 1 B.  WOW.

Me: "Well, buddy... the only thing you forgot was your coat at school!"
Colby: "Turn around Mom.  It's right behind you."

I think I'm still asleep, dreaming.  Honestly.  Wasn't it just yesterday that I was literally in tears, feeling like a failure as a mother?   And here is this awesome kid.  Making my morning, my day, my year.  A complete and total answer to prayer, young man. 

Something cool I just Learned How to Do

In His Own World

Grandma and Grandpa came over for dinner last night, to belatedlly celebrate Grandma LaVerne's birthday.  After dinner, Quinn asked if he could spend the night with G&G, and they said yes.  He went upstairs, got into bright red footie pajamas, and I loudly and repeatedly "reminded" him to brush his teeth, pack a bag of clothes for church in the morning, and get shoes on.   Colby was watching a cartoon on the computer, and Quinn - between his mother's incessant nagging - was watching with him.  When Grandma and Grandpa left (with Quinn), Colby said good bye.  Then he got ready for bed, brushed his teeth, and fell asleep in the room he shares with his brother.  This morning, he got up, got dressed, and we all piled in the car to go to church.

It was at THIS moment that Colby said .... "HEY!  We forgot Quinn!"

Rob and I looked at each other, thinking he MUST be joking.

Mom: "Well, if he's not ready for church, then he needs to be left here alone.  Keep driving dad." 

Colby was distraught.  So I eased up on him.

Mom: "Colby, did you see Quinn last night in your bedroom?"

Colby: "Yes."

Mom: "Did you see him when you woke up this morning?"

Colby: "Yes.  Well.... uh....."

Good Gracious.  It's called situational awareness, child.  Normally the boy can't go 30 seconds without being with his brother, and then the one time he is gone for an entire NIGHT, Colby doesn't even notice??? 

A Chip Off The Old Block

Colby brought some school work home that hadn't gotten done while at school.  I asked him why he didn't finish.

Colby: "We're supposed to write a story about a scarecrow."
Quinn: "I finished mine at school.  The scarecrow walked through the woods and scared the birds.  THE END."
Sounds like an easy-enough assignment. 
Colby: "Mom, I didn't have TIME to finish!"

COLBY'S story is about a scarecrow during a world war in 1922, who was really poor at firing a gun, but excellent with a knife.  During a battle he found a magic Power Stone which allowed him entrance into a Wizarding school.  CHAPTER TWO - the Power Stone was being sought by an evil villain........

Colby: "There's going to be 43 chapters, and I'm only on chapter TWO!  I couldn't finish that at school!"

Oh, little man.  You have inherited your mother's wordiness, and the curse of "dreaming bigger than you are capable of completing".  We're going to have to find a way to wrap up the evil villain's plot with the Power Stone pretty quickly, methinks. 

Secretly, though.... I'm really proud of his imagination.  What DOES happen with that scarecrow???

Big Heads

Quinn: "Mom, I'm so handsome."

Mom: "What??"

Colby: "We both are. I'm handsome, too. "

Mom: "Well you're definitely not humble. Who told you that you were handsome?"

Quinn: "Uhhhh, no one. I looked in the mirror. I can see my own reflection. "

Colby: "Sometimes I stare at myself for HOURS. I'm in LOVE with myself."

Mom: "Oh good grief. "

Independence

As much as I grieve the intractable aging of my children, I have to admit that I enjoy that they're now big enough to DO things. You know, like help me move a table, or climb a tree to pick the apples at the top.

This school year, the boys are making their own lunches, getting dressed independent, and feeding themselves breakfast. What before was a 35 minute nag-fest each morning is now a 15 minute "what do we do until the bus comes?" dream. Of course, it's only the second day of school, and evil snow clothes are not in the mix.... But I have hope!!!

Snippets From The Road

Recently got back from a trip out west, where we spent a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNGGGG time in the car.  The kids did great.  Made me laugh a time or two from the driver's seat.

Reagan: "Mom, do flowers tickle heaven?"
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Quinn: "Why can't men have babies?
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Colby, my navigator, had his own pronunciations for places on the map.  My favorites were "Frango" and "Suck Falls" North Dakota.   Once we hit Fargo ("Frango"), Colby closed the map, leaned back with his hands behind his head, and said "Relax, Mom.  You don't have to turn again til we get to Grandma's and Grandpa's!"  He's right - that last 20 hours or so was pretty much a straight shot.
-----------------------------------
Quinn (somewhere around Billings, MT) :  "Next time, Mom?  Just buy a plane ticket."
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Reagan: "Mom, whatcha doin'?"
Mom: "Driving.  What are you doing?"
Reagan: "Jamming my toe in this dvd."
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Reagan: "Where are we going?"  (repeated approximately 6 zillion, 45 million and 2 times)
Mom: "You know where we're going.  You tell me."
Reagan: "Take a guess, Mom."
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Quinn: "Why are girls with black hair such hot chicks?"
Mom: "Quinn, I don't even know how to BEGIN to answer that question."
Quinn: "It's because their hair absorbs heat!"
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Mom: "Quinn!  Don't hit your sister!"
Quinn: "She hit me first!"
Mom: "You're bigger than she is.  Plus, you never hit girls."
Quinn: "Why not?  We're the same species."
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Lifelong Nightmares

When the boys were in the NICU as newborns, Rob and I bought them this stuffed kangaroo, and placed it above their isolettes.  It scared the nurses every.single.time. they walked into the room.  We got a kick out of watching those nurses scream and jump ;). After the boys came home from the hospital, the kangaroo followed them into their bedroom, and dutifully watched over them at night.  As soon as they were old enough to get out of their own bed, though, they would stuff the kangaroo into the closet.  Once they could talk, they would tell me that the kangaroo came alive at night, stared at them through the darkness.   In the morning I would often find it turned around facing the wall, or hidden in odd places.  After Reagan was born, I decided to stop torturing the young men, and put the kangaroo in Reagan's room, as it didn't seem to bother her in the least.

Today, I bribed the boys with 15 minutes of computer time to clean their sister's room.  They were more than willing.  When I checked on them, though, I found this....

They'll clean.  But that kangaroo is OUTTA HERE.

Hee hee hee hee hee

ADDENDUM:  Reagan just calmly told me, two days after this incident,  that the Kangaroo is her friend because he comes alive at night and plays with her.  OK.  WHAT is with the kangaroo????

Overheard

Colby: "Well, Quinn... it's time to move.  This mom's not working out."

Cacophony

Quinn shows signs as a budding composer.  He'll sit at the piano, and play and play and play wherever his fingers land, in the rhythm that speaks to his soul, revelling in the sound.  I've tried to peek over his shoulder several times, to see if I can see what chords he's playing, because sometimes they are stunning in their creativity.  I haven't been successful yet, though, because whenever I do, he stops and loses it.  He just plays until he likes what he hears, and I have to admit - he does a dang good job.  They're George-Winston-esque type songs... in extremely rudimentary form.  I've got to get the video recorder out and tape them.  I love listening to my kids play the piano.

Big Boy "DUH"

Rob dropped the kids off at Vacation Bible School tonight.  He came home thoroughly impressed.

Rob: "Pastor Aaron is so cool.  He came up to me and the boys, and started talking, and addressed each of the boys BY NAME!  He could totally tell them apart!  At first, I thought he was wrong, but when I checked... NOPE.  He had them right.  And he was so confident about it.  That's amazing.  He knows which boy is which.  Hardly anyone can do that!!"

Me: "They were wearing name tags."

OH.

Orphans

Quinn: "Mom, is dad allowed to take passengers yet on the plane?"
Mom: "Not yet.  Almost."
Reagan: "Reagan get bigger.  Get big hands.  Fly with Daddy!"
Mom: "You'll have to be ALOT bigger."
Colby: "The only thing standing between us and that plane is YOU!"
Mom: "I'm going to be the first one to fly with Daddy."
Quinn: "Hey, what happens if you crash??  We'd have no parents!"
Colby: "YEAH!  Pop tarts every night!"
Quinn: "We'd take over the house!"
Colby: "Have a nice trip, Mom!"
Quinn: "Yup.  Been nice knowin' you."

Thanks.  Alot.  Ingrates.

EWWW

Daddy gave me a hug and a kiss and an "I love you, Mommy" before leaving for work today.  Mommy gave Daddy a hug and a kiss and an "I love you, too".  Quinn rolled his eyes, disgusted.

Quinn: "You guys!  I'm RIGHT HERE!"

The seven-year-old equivalent to "get a room!"

:)

Touch

These boys.  CONSTANTLY touching, hitting, wrestling, kicking, tickling, tussling, rough-housing, scuffling, patting, bashing, buffeting, and thumping each other.  CONSTANTLY.  They can't keep their hands off each other. 

Mom: "I bet you guys a WHOLE DOLLAR that you can't keep your hands to yourself for a whole day."
Colby: "A real dollar?"
Mom: "Yup.  If you don't touch your brother at all today, I will give you a dollar."
Colby (shaking Mom's hand): "Deal".
Quinn (refusing to shake Mom's hand): "That's worth more like $10".
Mom: "It doesn't matter.  I could bet you a million dollars, and you still couldn't do it."
Quinn: "Fine.  Bet me a million dollars that I can't keep my hands to myself."
Mom: "I don't have a million dollars, otherwise I would."
Quinn: "I take checks, Mom."

We negotiated down to... a dollar.  And it didn't matter.  Because they lasted exactly 5 minutes and 23 seconds before Colby put his foot on Quinn's knee during breakfast.

Mom: "TOUCH!  BZZZZZZT!  Deal's off."
Quinn: "I didn't touch Colby!  He touched me!"
Mom: "It takes two to touch.  You didn't run away."

Colby: "OK.  Same deal, starting new... right..... NOW!"

At least we had 5 minutes without tussling.  That's kind of a record around here, I think.

Filth and Fashion

In utter frustration this morning, I cried out to the Heavens.

Mom: "They're nearly EIGHT YEARS OLD!!  Can they eat a simple bowl of oatmeal without making a mess of themselves???"

This, of course, was in response to breakfast, during which large portions of food ended up on the front of Colby's shirt. 

Quinn (in an affected British accent):  "Mom, we're just not into that fashion thing."

Like it's all about fashion, and not one iota about cleanliness. 

I sigh and roll my eyes alot around here.

Career Paths

In the car on the way to the sitters today:

Colby: "When I grow up, I get to be ANY kind of engineer I want.  Dad says I get to choose."
Mom chuckles.  The world would explode if any of our kids decide to be an art major.
Quinn: "I'm going to be a Mechanical Engineer."
Colby: "I'm going to be an Electrical Engineer."
Quinn and Colby: "We're going to make a robot"
Quinn: "With a tail"
Colby: "I'm going to design the brain."
Quinn: "I'm going to design the body."
Colby: "I'm going to make it shoot electrical impulses."
Quinn: "But it will take a TON of wires, so we're going to design something where the electrons just go out together, and not along individual wires."
Mom: " Hmmm, that's actually an interesting idea."
Quinn: "AND I'm going to invent an electron digger that will dig to the center of the earth, in a really really small tunnel.  By moving the atoms."
Mom: "That's another really good idea.  You could look for gold, or oil, or other minerals that way, wtihout having to destroy a big chunk of the earth's surface"
Colby: "Except, when you hit magma, the earth will explode, killing millions of people."
Quinn: "Oh, yeah, that might be a problem."

I love it when they talk science :)

Alliances

Playing Monopoly with my sons is not fun.  They form an unbreakable alliance from the first roll of the dice.  Colby sold Quinn his railroad for $5.  Quinn slipped Colby an extra $100, because "he doesn't have much money".  They both tried to scam their sister out of her real-estate by offering her one pink $5 bill for her most valuable locations.  Because they know how much she loves pink, and has no idea the value of the number 5.
I pointed out that BOTH of them had a whole lot more money than other players (like ME, for instance), and maybe they should spread their generosity around just a bit.

"But we've got to help each other win!" they both said.  Not exactly simultaneously, but just about. 

Honestly.  You ARE two separate human beings, children. 

When we counted the money at the end, they both determined that they had exactly the same amount, and had both won.  When I counted, Quinn had $400 more than Colby, but neither one of them would hear it. 

"We both won". 

Okay.  Whatever. 

Game Over.

Snippets on a Tuesday Morning

Reagan is not a morning person.  She wakes up with a serious case of bed-head and the crabbies most mornings.  Today was normal times about 50.  Crying, wailing from the moment she walked out of her bedroom door.  It was not a pretty sight.

Quinn took one look at his sister, and said "Mom, Reagan is not joyous this morning.  I think she needs to go back to bed."

I'll have to remember to be "joyous" in the mornings from now on, too.....

Jinx

The boys have discovered "JINX!"  You know.  When you say something at the same time, and then whoever says "JINX!" first buys the other a pop.  Or something.  You were a kid once... you remember.  The thing is, my boys share a brain  (at one time, literally - now only figuratively).  Because they think the same, they SAY the same things at the same time, constantly.  Which means I hear "JINX!"  about 50,000 times a day.  But then, because they've said "Jinx" at the same time, too, they have to say "Jinx" again.... sometimes up to 15 times in a row.  I'm quite frankly "jinxed" out. 

Enough already.

GRRRR

After the LITERAL 15th time that I asked the children to get in the shower, I kinda lost it.

Mom: "I SAID GET IN THE SHOWER!!!!!!!!"

Quinn, Colby and Reagan... deer in headlights.... dead silence.  Quietly get undressed and get into the shower.  As soon as the door shut behind them, I heard Colby say this....

"Wow.  That was unexpected."

Which tells me that the first 14 times I told him to get in the shower did not register AT ALL.  Probably because his brother and sister are just SO HILARIOUS, and who can pay attention to a parental figure when goofiness is afoot. 

UGH UGH UGH UGH UGH.

It Begins

Third post today, but... well.... alot of bloggable moments, and I must document.

Quinn reported today that a girl tried to kiss him at school.  On the lips.  I asked him why she would do that, and he just shrugged, and said he didn't know why, because he ran away from her without asking.

Good grief.  At SEVEN this starts now????

Goodnight Kisses

I gave Quinn a kiss goodnight at bedtime.  He decided it wasn't a good enough kiss, and asked me to give him another.  So I obliged.

Quinn: "Mom, if Dad ever decides he doesn't want to be married to you anymore, I'll marry you."

That may be wrong on many different levels, but I was really touched by the heart of what he was saying.

Me: "I love you, too, buddy."

Growth Spurt

(((((SIGH))))

School had better get over soon, because all the boys' school clothes are at the end of their rope .  In March, even before the last snow, the shredded rubber they wore on their feet boots met their demise, and went to the Great Can in the Garage.  The winter coat keeps having near-death experiences, because I've thrown its disintegrated self into the trash at least 5 times, and yet it STILL ends up on the coat rack in the foyer.  Yesterday, Quinn's 3 month old tennis shoes exploded - his mother finally noticed that his toes had pushed out the end.  Today, I grabbed sweat pants for both the boys to wear to school, and was mortified when the  pants came up to about mid-shin.  The bus was in the driveway by the time I realized, and there wasn't time to change.  Colby said "It's okay, Mom.  They're just capri's, like yours!!" 

GOOD GRIEF.  It's like living with twin Incredible Hulks, that burst out of their clothing every time I turn around.  At least in summer, with bare feet, t-shirts and shorts (or, let's be honest... just plain underwear), we won't have to worry about high-waters, 3/4 length sleeves, and toes hanging out of tennis shoes.  Summer is so forgiving, in so many ways!  Bring it on.

Tooth Loss

The boys apparently don't care about the tooth fairy any more.   I noticed new holes in both boys' mouths.  A full week and a half AFTER the fact, Colby informed me that he had lost a tooth while we were on vacation. 

Colby: "Yeah, I lost it when we were in Florida, but I didn't tell you or dad.  I just hid it under my pillow in the hotel room.  The tooth fairy didn't come."  Not upset or anything... just very matter of fact.

Mom: "Well, how's the tooth fairy supposed to know if you were in a strange hotel room and you didn't tell anyone????"

He just shrugged. 

When I mentioned the new hole in Quinn's mouth, he informed me that he had lost his tooth at Grandma and Grandpa's while I was at work, and apparently left it there.  Totally unconcerned, not even writing a note or anything for the tooth fairy. 

So maybe the end of that little bit of childhood.  I'm far sadder than they seem to be.  Even though I'm the one who saved two bucks!

Deep Thoughts In the Morning

Quinn: "Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see myself looking deep into my eyes."
Mom: "Wow.  Yup."
Quinn: "I'm doing it right now with you.  I see myself in your eyes."

Huh.

The No Good Very Bad Day.

WE are having a day.  Tuesdays are typically busy, and this one was scheduled to be ultra-busy.  Dentist appointment, piano lessons, Cub Scouts.... leave the house at 3 pm, get home around 8:30 pm.  I went to pick the boys up at school just in time to see Colby  jump up and pretend slap the student teacher in the head.  I watched as she glared at him the rest of the way down the hallway.  Great.  I asked the teacher how the boys' day went.  Apparently not so good.  Both got in trouble for throwing snow balls during recess.  So I eventually herded the cats boys out the door (15 minutes.  REALLY???  To put on boots and a coat and leave a building????), and made our way to the car, where Reagan started complaining about "hiccups".  I told her there wasn't a whole lot I could do about her hiccups - she could get some water when we got to the dentist's office.  But then... too late... I remembered that "hiccups" is Reagan's code word for VOMIT.  Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnddddddd....... there it was.  All over herself, all over the carseat, all over her brother.  Who proceeded to turn on his announcer voice and say "Reagan has now lost her lunch."  The other boy pretended to stick his hand in it and smear it all over his brother, and they both started threatening to ralph from the smell.  I rolled down the windows - mostly so they couldn't hear me swearing.

We made it to the dentist's office, and I took Reagan straight to the bathroom to clean up.  Did I mention before that it was pajama day at school?  Well, it was, and I had brought clothes for the boys to change in to, but what with the whole vomit exploding in the back seat... it just didn't happen.  So the boys were in their pajamas.  The other lady in the waiting room... the one with the toddler, the one who was obviously a first time parent....not so subtly went up the secretary, complaining that her daughter wanted to play on the ground, but THOSE BOYS were obviously sick and showed up to the dentist in their pajamas.    The secretary just looked at me and asked "are the boys sick?" , to which I replied "NO.  They're fine.  It was pajama day at school."  And as I said it, Reagan rushed into the bathroom and ralphed again all over the place.  By the time I came out, the waiting room was empty.  Apparently, the woman and her immuno-precious daughter decided to wait in their car rather than be near us.  The boys were wild as all get out (really??? Is a dentist's waiting room that fun that it causes you to roll around on the floor, and throw cars????), Reagan was complaining that her shirt was dirty, and the secretary was suddenly NOWHERE to be found.  I rang  the bell for service, and finally just yelled "We're leaving!  I need to reschedule!"  So... oh... there she was.  And just so helpful in getting us out the door quickly.

One more vomit on the way home for good measure, but this time I was nominally prepared and made Colby catch it in a cookie sheet that had conveniently been left in the car from Sunday's Cub Scout banquet.  There's a silver lining to being a slob, I guess.  I heard him say "This is the most disgusting thing I've ever done", which is saying alot, given his impressive resume.  But then both boys decided that this moment would be the perfect moment to rough house in the back seat, and to yell and scream and laugh uncontrollably.  Mom had HAD.ENOUGH.

No piano lessons.  No Cub Scouts.  And work WORK WORK when we get home. 
"You both owe me a chore." I said.  "You need to clean the basement."
"Reagan was the one who threw up.  Why's it OUR fault?" Colby whined.   I didn't trust myself enough to answer rationally.
"Would you rather go clean up vomit in the car? Because that's what I'm going to do right now.  Your choice - clean the basement, or go clean up disgusting vomit."

A minute later, Colby was still standing there, not moving.  "GET DOWNSTAIRS!" I yelled.  He just looked at me and said "Mom, I'm still deciding!"

"Deciding what???" I asked.

"If I want to clean up the basement, or the vomit in the car!"

"No, Colby.  You're cleaning the basement.  The vomit is disgusting.  I will do it."

"But Mom!  Even if it's grosser.... it's still QUICKER."

Go.  Clean.  NOW.

((((((SSSSSSIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH)))))).  Can I quit Motherhood?  Just for an evening?  I swear I'll be back in the morning, rearing to go.

ADDENDUM:  Dang kids.  Just when I'm ready to give up this mommy gig, the little turkeys go and get all cute on me.  Clean basement? No.  But they did play productively and quietly for the remainder of the evening, which is a rare and wonderful treat in and of itself.  Guess I'll have to keep 'em.

Should I Be Worried? Because I Think I Am....

Quinn's Valentine's Day writing project.  In case you can't read it, I'll translate for you...

"There are many things I like.  My favorite thing is mony.  I really love my grandma and grandpa, and I treasure guns.  And I love my cusines."

So, family, money and guns.  We're raising the Godfather here. 

The State Germ

Colby: "Mom, in school we learned what the state germ was."
Mom: "The state germ?"  In my head I was thinking of everything we've had in our house over the past month.  We're the capitol of the state germ around here.  Streptococcus?  Stomach virus?  We got it right here.
Colby: "Yeah!  The state germ!  It's the greenstone!"
Mom: "OHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  You mean the state GEM!"
Colby: "No, mom.  It said germ.  Our state germ is the greenstone."

OK.  Whatever.  If it's taught in school, it must be right.

Honestly....

Just got a note from Colby's teacher.  Apparently he was VOMITTING on other children during recess today.  On purpose.  She didn't know what to do, because "she's never had to deal with anything like that before."  I might add that she's been teaching a good many years. 

So, where might I find parenting advice on how to deal with PUKING on someone for fun?  Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting.  How to win friends, Colby.... definitely figured out how to win friends.

UGH.

Math

Colby: "Mom, we're learning about division at school, and I'm the only person in the whole class who gets it."
Mom: "Really?  Good job!  What about Quinn?  Doesn't he understand division?"
Colby: "Well, actually, I guess he does, because I taught him in the shower last night."
Quinn: "I forgot.  I don't get it."
Colby: "You CAN'T forget it!  I taught you!"

Here's Mom, chuckling at the irony of that sentence.  How many times have I taught you to use a fork when you eat???

Maestro Colby Performing.... Dino Stomp

Piano lessons have been very hit and miss, so Colby is essentially teaching himself.  This is what he spent the last several days learning on his own...
For your auditory pleasure...

Allergies under Control... For the Moment

Colby's allergies have been under control .  We've been really strict about his diet.  Know how I realized that his sinuses finally cleared up?  He was blowing a train whistle with his nose.  Mr. Mouth Breather hasn't been able to do THAT for awhile ;).

Maybe No One Will Notice....

Mad rush getting the boys out the door to school today, as we all overslept a bit.  I set out the boys' clothes, and then dealt with the crabby daughter.  It's the school bake sale today, and I told the boys that if they hurried really REALLY fast and didn't miss the bus, they could each have a quarter to take with them to school.  Quinn got ready and in his snowclothes in record time.  I'm just now picking things up from the morning rush, and noticed... behold, there on the floor.... the clothes I had set out for him.  Apparently, he is wearing the same outfit he wore to school yesterday.  The same outfit he slept in last night, because we got home from cub scouts too late, and he was too tired to put on PJ's. 

I have no credibility as a mother whatsoever.  WHAT that school must think of this family!!

125 Million Years, Down the Tubes

In Utah this past Thanksgiving, we went to a dinosaur museum, where Colby bought a sand-dollar fossil.  A 125 million year old fossil.  I went to school today and cleaned out Colby's desk, where I found the fossil in 5 pieces.  It survives 125 million years, facing all that nature can throw at it, and then lasts two months with my seven year old son.  Yeah.  That's about right.

Documented for Posterity

Some day, when my Colby is a famous pianist and composer, we will look back fondly on this, his first song.  It's titled "My Invention Song" (Or rather - showing his creative genius -  "My Invechon Son").  He says it's kind of a spooky-feeling song, because of all the flats and sharps.  I haven't checked the "I like it" box yet, but I do.  Like it.

Turning EVERYTHING into a dirty joke

The boys were giggling.  You know - the sniggering, mischieveous "doing something you're not supposed to" snicker. 

Mom: "What are you guys doing?"
Colby: "Peanut Butter!"
Mom: "What's so funny about that?"
Quinn: "Get it, Mom?  PeaNUT BUTTer?"
Colby: "hee hee hee hee"
Quinn: "Do you think whoever invented peanut butter knew that there were TWO privates in the name?"

Mom: "Good grief."

Time Machine Part 2

Colby: "Mom, remember the time machine we invented yesterday?"
Mom: "Yeah"
Colby: "Well, it's totally easy.  Einstein invented one."
Mom: "In THEORY.  We don't have the technology to build a real one."
Colby: "We did."
Quinn: "Mom, I totally know how to do it.  All you do is get the longest, strongest rope ever, and wrap it around the whole world.  Then, you pull on it, and make the world spin BACKWARDS.  Then time would go backwards, too!"

HMMMMM. Interesting theory!


Colby: "We've also invented the fountain of youth."
Mom: "Really?  Please share."
Quinn: "Upstairs we found something you wrote when you were EIGHTYSEVEN, but you're really not that old."
Mom: "What??? "
Colby just showed me what they were talking about... a poem I wrote my grandfather, in 1987, that I signed "Monica - 87". 

((smile))

"We're a Genius!"

Mom: "Boys, what are you doing up here?  Did you make your bed?"
Colby: "We're just building a time machine, Mom."
Quinn: "Yeah.  We're building a time machine."
Mom: "So, how did you figure out how to bend the space-time continuum?"
Quinn: "Easy!  We hook this old computer up to an alarm clock, turn the time back on the alarm clock, and then go to HP.com. VIOLA!"
Colby: "We're a genius!"
Mom: "MMMHMMM.  I'd really like you to make your bed."
Colby: "And here's the secret thing that makes it all work... these crystals."
Mom: "That's your rosary."
Quinn: "That's what makes it work."
Colby: "We didn't really invent the time machine, you know.  Albert Einstein did."
Mom: "I thought he just had a theory.  I don't think he ever built a time machine."
Colby: "Well, same thing."
Quinn: "You know what I'm going to do?  I'm going to go back to my birthday over and over and over and over and keep eating more and more and more birthday cake!"
Colby: "I'm going to go into the future when my bed is already made, so I don't have to do it!"
Mom: "You realize that in order for that to happen, you really ARE going to have to make your bed at some point, right?"
Quinn: "See mom, I have this ink cartridge, and I found a cord with a red, white and yellow end to plug into the tv, and the same colors go into the computer!  I remembered how to do that."
Mom: "You guys had better not blow up my tv."
Colby: "It's not going to blow up."
Quinn: "Well..... it might."

Mom goes downstairs.  A few minutes later, I hear the t.v. on. 
Mom: "Turn that TV off!  You're supposed to be making your bed!"
Q&C (breathless from running down the stairs): "We did it!  The tv didn't blow up, and we went back in time!"
Mom: "Uhhhh...."
Quinn: "We turned on the time machine, it buzzed, and Reagan was walking forward, but then she jumped back!"
Colby: "It was only a second, but we did it!"
Reagan: "Quinn did it!!!"
Q&C: "Let's go do it again!"
Mom: "I don't care how far back in time you go, as long as your bed gets made."

Any guesses on how long the bed-making is gonna take???

Piano Lessons

Pulling out of the driveway, in our frantic rush to get to piano lessons on time....

Mom (driving, and looking through the book bag simultaneously.... in a very safe manner):  "BOYS!  Your lesson book isn't in here!!  You can't go to piano lessons without your lesson book!"

Quinn: "Don't blame me, Mom.  I didn't touch that piano ALL WEEK!"

Great.  Money well spent.

Darn you, Home Alone 3

Parental Regret of the moment:  Allowing the boys to watch Home Alone 3.   It has led to a new obsession with protecting the house from burglars.  Via elaborate, Rube-Goldberg-type traps.... everywhere. 

Mom (calling upstairs): "Boys, is your room clean yet?  You've been up there for an hour."
Quinn: "Not yet, Mom!"
Mom: "You better not be making any traps!"
Quinn: "Mom, we're protecting the house from burglars.  That's a WHOLE lot more important than a clean room!"
Mom: "I'll take my chances.  Clean. Your. Room."

UGH.  Currently there is an electrical cord wrapped around the posts of the stairwell, hooked to a fan.  I'm a little afraid to go up thereand check things out further. 

And Rob wants them to watch "Dumb and Dumber".  Can you imagine the ramifications of THAT movie?!?!?!?!

Our Pianist

Colby has decided that he wants to grow up to be a concert pianist.  He spends literally HOURS a day, plunking away.   The boys' piano teacher has been sick these past three months, so Colby has taught himself to play every last song in his lesson book.  It's really cool to see him passionate about something!  Go Maestro, go!!!