Never Say Never

We've been spending lots of quality time with Grandma LaVerne lately, who is the Queen of Idioms.  We call them "Mim-isms" around here.  One of her favorites is "Never say never".  Today, Quinn was telling me how he never forgets to brush his teeth when, all of a sudden, he got a panicked look on his face, and slapped a hand over his mouth.  Oh NO!

Mom: "What's the matter?"
Quinn: "I said NEVER!  You should NEVER say NEVER!"

Like it's a swear word or something.  Too funny.

And Speaking of Swear Words

The boys have been bringing home some.... interesting.... vocabulary from school this year.  We've tried cracking down on the potty mouth stuff, but that just seems to make it all the more alluring.  There's alot of talk of excrement, bodily functions, and diapers around here.  I'm really tired of it.  ANYWAYS, today I told the boys that I would have to revert to washing their mouths out with soap if it didn't stop soon. 

Colby:  "Well then you're going to have to wash Grandpa's mouth out, too. He says the 'C' word?"
Mom: "Uh..... 'C' word?"
Colby:  "He says 'crap'!"
Quinn: "And Dad says the 'F' word."
Mom (really nervous about what the 'F' word might be): "That would be......"
Quinn: "Frick".
Colby: " And Quinn called me the 'D' word."
Mom: "I'm afraid to ask...."
Colby: "DUMBHEAD!"

I suppose I should be relieved that they aren't the REALLY BAD 'C', 'D', and 'F' words.  At least not yet.  It's coming, though.  I have not the slightest doubt.  HOW can I keep these boys innocent for any length of time when the whole word is working against me?????

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Quinn:  "Mom, sometimes are people so lost, they can't even find themselves?"
Mom: "Why yes, Quinn.  Sometimes that happens."
Quinn:  "They just need to stop, look around and say 'hey! here I am!'"
Colby: "They think they're invisible, when they're not!"
Mom: "Yup.  I wish they just knew that."

Sometimes, these little boys are wiser then they realize.

The Wiggles

It was the boys' Christmas party at school yesterday, which meant (judging by what was left on their faces) lots of punch and goodies.  Sugar = hyper.  Then, we had Cub Scouts before the boys' Christmas Pageant last night.  I was really on the fence whether to go or not... too much activity could mean a melt down in behavior for the actual performance.  Their tolerance only goes so far, and then chaos ensues.  It's not pretty when they're fatigued.  Their bodies go into overdrive.  ANYWAYS -- the boys begged for cub scouts, and so we went.  They were overly rambunctious on our tour of a grocery store, running around, touching EVERYTHING ( you know, like meat grinders and such).  I was dreading what this might mean for the actual Pageant.  In the car after the tour, on our way to church, the boys were screaming, giggling, kicking the seats.  Hyper as all get out.  I was mortified.  Quinn tried to put me at ease by saying this....

Quinn: "Mom, it's okay.  We're being wild NOW, so that we can be patient THEN.  We've got to get it out of our systems."

There's a strange logic to this, so I let them carry on, despite my misgivings.  You know what, though?  Those boys behaved PERFECTLY in church - maybe for the first time EVER.  It was... a Christmas miracle.  And after the performance?  Back to running around and wild. But for those few blissful minutes (45 to be exact), they attended, sat appropriately, said their lines.  SIGH.  It's POSSIBLE for them to act like civilized children.  It's POSSIBLE!!!!!!

Random Comments

Colby:  "Mom, I love the Cub Scouts.  It's like I get to be a soldier scientist."
 I should note that our Cub Scout Troop has a disproportionate amount of parents with Ph.D's, and most of the den meetings focus around physics principles.  The boys LOVE it.  And the soldier part of his comment comes from the fact that they get to wear a uniform.  With BADGES.  So cool.

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Quinn:  "Mom, why isn't the ice cream store open in the winter?"
Mom:  "Because it's cold in winter, and people don't want to eat cold food.  They want cold food in the summer time."
Quinn:  "NO!  It'd be perfect!  If they sold ice cream in the winter, we'd never have to worry about it melting when we eat it outside!"

A Saturday Morning Mystery

The boys found a 100 year old copy of William Shakespeare's plays on my bookshelf.  They ran into my room this morning, saying

"Mom, it's mystitious!  There's a book here, and we need to find the clues as to who wrote it!"
Quinn: "Yup, Mom, look at this mysterrial book."
Colby: "It IS mysteritious!  Let's find more clues!"

I just chuckle at how many ways they massacred the word mysterious in so short a time :).   It's a mystery!

Science

Colby found my old Pathology book from physical therapy school.  He pulled it out, announced he was learning about "doctors", and proceeded to read it.  There were lots of "EWWW", and "what's THAT?" comments.  Then he asked me how the people that wrote the book knew so much about what was INSIDE of people.

Mom: "Well, Colby... sometimes they open people up to look inside them and find out.  I did it in PT school. "
Colby: "WHAT?  They cut them OPEN????  Were they dead????"
Mom: "Yes, after they were dead.  Some people donate their  bodies to science, so that we can learn from them.  And after we are done learning, we return them to their families to be buried."
Colby internalized this for a second, and then said gravely "Mom, don't EVER let anybody cut me up after I'm dead."
Mom: "OK Colby.  And for the record, I don't want my body donated to science either."

Santa and the North Pole

Found our "Santa" hanging out on the globe.  Guess Colby knows where the North Pole is!

Things I Never Thought I'd Say, Part 2

Mom:  "BOYS!  Soup is not a finger food!"

Breakfast Conversation

Colby:  Mom, I have an idea.  If we earn a thousand tickets, let's go to Europe and see castles and where  knights used to kill dragons.

Mom:  That's a cool idea, but I'm not so sure about that.  Dad and I went to Europe once before you were born and saw some castles.

Quinn:  Were you afraid of all the skeletons?

Mom:  There weren't any skeletons.  It wasn't a HAUNTED castle, just a castle.

Colby: Did you see knight's armor?

Mom: Yup.  They were really short back then, because they didn't eat their veggies to grow big and tall.  We
EVEN saw the King and Queen of Sweden, and the Emporer of Japan when we were there.

Quinn: The empire of Japan?

Mom: No.  The Emporer.  The King rules over a kingdom, and the Emporer rules over an Empire, which is a
bunch of kingdoms together.

Colby:  Like the Empire Strikes Back

Quinn:  Like in a baseball game?

Mom:  That's an UMPIRE.

Quinn: (knowingly)  All umpires are vampires.

Mom: Uhhhhh, no.

School

Colby had to "move his clip" yesterday at school  I asked him why that was.

Colby: "Mom, the teacher did't YELL at me or anything.  She just said that I didn't know how to sit, and needed to go to sititng lessons". 

HMMMMM.  Sitting lessons.  Maybe we should start those at home, too.