Questions in the Car

OK.  I've updated this blog alot today, but all of my boys were on a roll, so I've got to document, document document.

On the way to last night's movie, the boys asked this question:
Quinn: "Mom, what happens when you burp and sneeze at the same time?"
Mom: "Your eyes pop out."
Colby: "NO THEY DON'T"
Mom: "Well, if you already know the answer, why'd you ask the question?"
Quinn: "Do they really?"
Mom: "Well, if you burp and sneeze with your eyes OPEN they will."
Colby: "Nu-UNH".
Mom: "Have you ever sneezed with your eyes open?"
Quinn: "No".
Colby: "Dallace and Dallan at school can sneeze with their eyes open."   Sure they can.  They can do anything.
Mom: "I seriously doubt that they can do that.  If they did, their eyes would pop out of their heads."
Quinn: "Then what happens when you cough and burp at the same time?"
Mom: "UH, probably one first and then the other would happen.  Not at the same time."
Quinn: "What happens if you talk and burp at the same time?"
Mom: "OOOOH.  Daddy can do that.  Ask him to show you." (or not.  Maybe I don't want them learning that trick.)
Colby: "I bet I can burp and fart at the same time."

I have absolutely not the slightest doubt in the world that you totally could, my boy.  Not the slightest doubt.

Movies with Boys

Last night, I took Quinn and Colby to a movie theater for a free showing of "Raiders of the Lost Ark".   Great movie.... which took LOTS of explaining to little boys.  It was a constant barrage of questions thorughout the whole.thing.  I was a shushing maniac, for two straight hours, because my boys are incapable of whispering.  Therefore... loud questions every 30 seconds or so  (even spaced that long apart?  No, I guess not). 

"Mom, why's he named Indiana Jones?  Which one is Indiana Jones?  Is that a cobra or an asp?  Why are they shooting poison darts at him? Why's there a big rock coming after him?  What's that golden thing?  Will God really tear you apart if you open the ark?  Where are the 10 commandments?  Why's there a spider looking thing on that red flag?  Why do the Nazi's want the ark?"...... on and on and on.  A virtual play by play, asking questions about every last thing on screen.  And I was in the middle.  So a boy on one side would ask a loud question, I would whisper the answer in his ear, then the boy on the other side would ask the same question.  The guy in front of us acctually turned around and said "Why bother shushing them at this point? "  I suppose that was just as annoying as the questions themselves. 

I was worried the movie would be a little too scary, and I was right.   Colby didn't even pretend to go to bed before he ended up with me in my bed.  I tucked him in, came downstairs, and within 30 seconds he was sitting crosslegged outside my bedroom door. 

"Crawl on in, buddy.  It's okay. "
"It wasn't all THAT scary, Mom, except the last part where everybody melted."
"You know it's make believe, right?  It's not true?"
"Yeah."  And then he fell immediately asleep, my arm firmly wrapped around him, his head on my shoulder. 

Another Big Boy Story

I realize that my hubby is no "offspring", but there are times when I just have to toss him in with the whole "funny things the boys in my life say and do" category.  Yesterday, for example.  He came home from work, and I immediately noticed that his pants were FULL of holes.  Not just on the knees.  The entire front.  Riddled with holes - maybe 30 of them.  His underwear could plainly be seen. 

Me: "WHAT happened to your pants????"

Rob: "Yeah.  Tell me about that.  I had a meeting with my BOSS today, and I'm looking like this."

Me: "What HAPPENED?!?!"

Rob: "Your daughter must've taken a pair of scissors to them, and I didn't notice until I got to work.  I told my boss that I wasn't REALLY trying to be a rock star".

Me: "Really?  You think it was Reagan?  Because I think I would have noticed if she had scissors around the laundry.  And that's alot of holes!"  Inside I was thinking 'you got dressed before you had your coffee, obviously.  How could you not notice that?'

I must admit that I chuckled to myself all night about the pants.  How I WISH I had a camera on me.  Later that night, I brought it up again. 

Me: "You know, it almost looks like a chemical spill.  Were you around chemicals at all during work today?"

Rob: "OOOOOOOOOOOOH.  You know what?  I was wearing these pants yesterday when I was carrying around a tractor battery."

THAT makes more sense.  And the true culprit is.....battery acid.  Splashed unknowingly all over him, eating holes in his pants.  Thank goodness it was just the pants and not HIS SKIN!  Sheesh!!  That could've been ugly!

The Most Annoying Sound In The World

Children up at 6:30 this morning.  All three promptly decide to hold a screaming contest.  On purpose.  To see who can scream the loudest.  Fun times. Fun times. 

I'm the guy in the middle, in this video.

Emotion

At dinner last night:

Colby: "What kind of critter do secret agents like best?"
Mom: "I know.  A spy-der."
Colby: "YES!"
Quinn (sounding JUST like Beavis and Butthead): "heh heh heh"

I laughed out loud at Quinn's laugh, because it was just so PHONY, and he didn't even realize it was.

Colby: "Mom, that's the first time I've ever heard you laugh for real!"
Mom: "Really?  I laugh all the time."
Colby: "But not for REAL."
And then both boys started laughing uncontrollably, like they do, over nothing.  And I realized it was true.... I don't laugh like that.  At least, not alot.  And not around them.  When did I stop laughing for real????  When did I become a grown up??  I'm always the straight-man in the "Quinn and Colby" show.  The one to tell them to quiet down, and use good manners, and get their hands out of their pants,and stop picking their nose.  They never get to see me having fun.  And that bothers me.

Colby: "It's okay, Mom.  I've never seen you cry for real, either."
Mom: "Really?"
Colby: "Nope."

So interesting to me, their perceptions. I never thought about that.  I save my emotion for after they're in bed, when I'm unloading to their father (lucky guy).  Like there's some unspoken rule that a parent needs to be STRONG and CONTROLLED around their kids (well, they've seen me angry lots and lots of times, I guess).  I need to let them know how much JOY they bring me.  And to share in the silliness that seems to be their world on a daily basis.  I'm always so busy trying to UN-silly them, maybe it's okay to join in.  Just every once in a while.

Because they really should know that their mom can laugh.

Gross Breakfast Conversations

Bodily functions and little boys.  WHAT is with that???  Seriously.  Annoying. 

Quinn: "Colby, who's the world's best burper?"
Colby: "I know!  Grandpa!"
Quinn: "No.  He's the Famous Farter."
Mom: "Boys, that's not nice.  You need to stop this."
Colby: "No, it's true, Mom.  Grandpa farts and then always says it's one of us!"
Quinn: (with obvious awe in his voice - as if this was the greatest talent known to man) "Grandpa's the best farter ever."
Colby: "Dad's the best burper ever."
Quinn: "Burp.  Excuse me.  Burp.  Excuse me.  Burp.  Excuse me."
Colby: "You only have to say 'excuse me' once."
Quinn: "No.  I'm just trying to be annoying."
Mom: "Well, you're doing a really good job."

((((SIGH))))).

And I apologize to grandpa for sharing this story online.  I'm going to hear about this, I have no doubt!!!

First Piano Lessons

I had tried to teach the boys piano this past school year.  It was fun, but they struggled GREATLY to listen to their mother.  So, today, we brought in the professionals.  My boys are officially piano students.  I told them that if they both stuck with piano for 4 years, they would be able to continue on with whatever musical instrument they chose.  Quinn has already chosen the mandolin.  Very practical choice, Quinn.  Mandolins are in high demand, and march very well in parades and at football games.  Colby hasn't yet decided, but then... he has four years to ponder.  He was leaning towards the banjo earlier today, because, as he put it, it's a "drum AND a guitar".  Okay then.

I overheard Quinn during his lesson say over and over again "I already KNOW how to play the piano."  His teacher was extremely patient, and would just say "Okay, but then let's just review.  What are the numbers of the fingers of the right hand?"  Which of course he couldn't answer, because he never listened to his mother back when she was trying to teach him the piano.  UGH.  Great.  At one point, the teacher stuck her head out of the room, and asked me how much trouble she would be in if she gave the boys different things to practice.  Because Colby had apparently remembered a little more than Quinn had, despite Quinn's overconfidence ;).  Fine by me. 

I'm excited that the boys will get some one on one time with an adult.  I'm excited that they're beginning their musical careers.  I'm excited that they'll be working on those little hand muscles for fine motor skills and hand/eye coordination.  It's all good.  It's all good!

Bless you, My Son.

I put a band-aid on Quinn's torn up toe this morning, and he said "Oh, look! Now my toe looks like a girl!"  I had put the band-aid over the top of his toe, so it did kind of look like a veil.

Quinn: "It's like my toe's an olden day girl.  They used to call them 'women' back then in the olden days."
Mom: "No.  A girl's a child, and a woman is an adult."
Quinn: "So, you're a WOMAN?"
Mom: "Yup".
Quinn: "No you're not.  You're a girl."
Mom: "Well, I'm an adult."
Quinn: "No you're not.  You're just a big kid.  At school, everyone says that people in their 30's are old, but I said NO!  My mom is in her 30's and she's not old!"
Mom:  "You keep saying that, Quinn, and I just might believe it."

Darling, adorable child.

This Morning's Conversation

Quinn: "Mom, why do we thank God for our food, when you're the one who made it?"
Mom: "Well, who gave us the hands to make this food?"
Colby: "You did!  We came from your belly, so you made us!"
Mom: "Well, who put you in my belly?"
Quinn (simultaneously with his brother): "God"    Colby: "A little penis".
Mom: "WHAT??? Colby, where'd you hear that?"
Colby: "From you, Mom!"

I am 1000% certain that I have not given "the talk" to my 6 year old boys.  POSITIVE.

Colby: "Remember, Mom?  You said that when we were in your belly, we were just little peanuts."
Mom: "OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.  Peanuts.  Yes.  Yes.  You were a little peanuT."

I can breathe again now.

AND..... again with a big boy story

Rob makes me laugh just as much as his sons do.  Lastnight we were lyiing in bed watching a show about the military.  This was the conversation.

Rob: "I think I would've been good in the military".
Me: "I think not so much.  You don't like to be told what to do, and you like being by yourself."
Rob: "I can be told what to do, if I believe in the cause!"
Me: "In the military, you have to do what you're told, whether you believe in the cause or not.  Or whether you think an order makes sense or not."
Rob: "And you don't have to be a 'team player' to be in the military.  Look at Rambo!"
Me: "Well, Rambo was EX-military.  And....uhhhhh...... fictious."
Rob (letting that sink in for a moment): "Well, I'd have been a good fighter pilot."
Me: "Yes.  Yes you would."

Everyone secretly wants to be Tom Cruise in Top Gun, I think.

Birthday Prep

The boys' birthday is coming up.  Well, in a month.  Which means it's high time to start the preparations, you know.  Quinn and Colby spent hours (and I mean HOURS) looking at cakecentral.com's gallery trying to pick out cakes and a theme.  After Colby picked  Transformers and Quinn picked out a lizard, I applied a little pressure to see if we could get a theme that blended a little bit better.  Quinn switched to dolphins, which wasn't much better.  Colby suggested putting Transformers swimming in the water of a dolphin cake.  UHHHHHHHHHHHH, I appreciated the effort, but didn't think so.  It would be REALLY nice if I could make one cake rather than two, so we aren't eating cake for three years after the big day.  No matter how much I tried to convince them, though, they were adamant about wanting their own cakes.  OKAY.  Fine.  Two cakes, but one THEME.  Quinn was pretty stuck on dolphins, so Colby caved and went pirates.  THAT I can do.  So, the plan at this point is to take a sheet cake and cut it in half.  Quinn's half will be decorated as water, with jumping dolphins, and Colby's will be the island with a treasure chest.  The boys want a pirate ship on Quinn's cake with a gangplank that bridges over to Colby's cake.  Hmmmm.  That may be tough, but we'll see what I can do.  Good thing we're starting early with all of this!

Money for the Poor

I heard the boys cackling outside my room, saying "money money money!!  I'm rich!  I'm rich!"  Oh no.   That didn't sound good. Then, to my surprise, they came jumping on to my bed and said the following:

Quinn (showing me his burgeoning wallet): "Mom, I want to give this money to the poor."
Mom: "What?"
Quinn: "To the poor.  Because they don't have any money.  Where can I find the poor?"
Mom: "Where'd you get that money?"
Quinn: "From the money bag, after our Easter egg hunt."
Mom: "OHHHH.  And you want to give it away?"
Quinn: "Mom, the poor don't HAVE any money."
Mom: "You're right."
Colby: "I want to go to Walmart and spend my money on Beyblades and candy.  Can we go to Walmart?"
Mom: "So, Quinn's going to give his money to the poor, and you're going to buy candy?"
Colby: "Well, if I have any left over, I'll give the rest of it to the poor."
Mom: "Let's do this.  The food bank gives food to people who can't afford to buy any.  Let's go there this morning, and you can give your money to them.  And we'll clean out some food from the pantry and give them that as well."
Colby: "Well, maybe I'll give $3 to the poor.  Or maybe I'll give them $8. "
Quinn: "I'm giving all of mine to the poor."

I didn't say a word, but Colby was slowly convincing himself to give more to the food bank, and spend less on candy at Walmart.  We'll see what he finally ends up doing when we get there.

That was NOT the conversation I anticipated on having when I heard them gloating over their riches a few minutes before.
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ADDENDUM:  Giving money to the poor is apparently easier said than done.  I think Quinn envisioned going up to a ragged person on a street corner somewhere and handing them his bag of pennies.  When that wasn't an option here (our winters pretty much keep the streets free from beggars), we opted for the above-mentioned Food Bank.  It was closed.  Not only closed, but all three entry ways to it's parking lot were physically blocked off.   So we couldn't even get CLOSE TO THE BUILDING.  Craziness.  Plan B was Goodwill, where I dropped off a bag of clothes, and the food that we had gathered for the food pantry.  Quinn debated back and forth as to whether he wanted to give Goodwill his money or not, after I explained that they SOLD THINGS.  I was quick to assure him that they also gave people jobs, and provided low-priced used goods for people without a lot of money, so he would still be helping the poor.  But he instead elected to put his money in the "poor box" at church.  OK.  So we headed over to the church, plunked his money in one penny at a time, and it was such a long process, that he decided he'd had enough. He ended up putting in maybe half of his money. We lit a candle, and said a quick prayer of thanksgiving for our blessings.  Colby donated not one red cent, saying that he was saving his money for a Ninentendo DS.

See, this is where being a parent is tricky, because then the boys talked me into going to the Dollar store, where Colby had LOTS of money to spend, and Quinn had only a dollar left, because he had given the rest to the poor.  Colby bought two fun toys and some candy, and Quinn bought a crossword puzzle book for a buck - and then started crying because Colby had more than him.  I certainly didn't want to reward Colby for his LACK of unselfishness, and punish Quinn for his good deed.  But I also wanted Quinn to realize that when he gives something away, it means he doesn't get something himself, and that's the POINT.  Not that there is an endless supply of everything, and that he can give away and still have plenty for himself.  I wanted him to know that the POINT was denying himself the extra toy, so that someone else could have something.  UGH.  How do I handle this situation???

In the end, the best I could come up with was to make it clear that "Colby's" toys were actually "communal family" toys that he would share with his brother.  They both seemed fine with that solution, so that's what we stuck with.  The whole Dollar Store thing pretty much ruined the good vibe from the donation, and I wish I wouldn't have caved on that point.  We should have made the donation, and then been done.  Let the good deed stand for what it was - an act of kindness from a sincere little boys' heart. 

Trash Talk

Taught the boys two new games yesterday - tetherball and checkers.  My boys are competitive young things, and it was SO FUNNY to hear them "trash talking" each other.

Quinn: "Oh no you don't!"
Colby: "Take that!"
Quinn: "I see what you're doing"
Colby: "I gotcha.  I gotcha."
Quinn: "My bad.  My bad."
Colby: "You think you can do that to ME?"\
Quinn: "UGH!  I'm so dumb!  Why'd I do that?"
Colby: "Watch out!  Here I come!"

I can't remember most of them.   But it made me laugh.

The Enemy

Colby: "Watch out Quinn.  Mom's in a BAD MOOD."
Mom: "No I'm not!"
Quinn: "Well, you're being really bossy."
Mom: "That's my job."
Colby: "hee hee he.  No it's not, Mom."
Mom: "Yes it is.  God gave you to me, and told me to boss you around, so that you'd grow up to be good, responsible men."
Quinn: "No He didn't".
Mom: "Yuh-huh."
Colby:  "No, Mom.  You're just acting German."
Quinn: "Yeah.  You're being German."
Mom: "German?  Are you calling me a Nazi?"
Q&C: "YEAH!"

I think that documentary Rob had the boys watch last night to commemorate the landing at Normandy sunk in.  A little too well.

Blood suckers

Quinn: "Mom, I know why tacitos...squaitos.... moquit..."
Mom: "mosquitos?"
Quinn: "YEAH.  That's hard to say.  I know why those like to bite me best."
Mom:  "Why?"
Quinn: "Because my head's the biggest, and it's full of lots of blood."
Mom: "AHHH.  I see."

Swear Words

Quinn: "Mom, I know ALL of the swear words now, but I'm not going to say them."

Great.

Colby: "But 'swear' isn't a bad word.  It means promise, and promise is a good word."

Mom: "Yup".

Quinn: "Mom, these are all the good words.  Nice, kind, true, promise."

Mom: "And honor, integrity, and courage."

Colby: "What do THOSE mean?"

Mom:  "It means that you do what it is right, what is good, and are brave about doing it."

Quinn: "Oh.  Like God.  He's very brave."

Mom: "Yup."

So, a conversation that started out making my stomach churn  turned out okay in the end.  And for the record, I know that they really don't know all the swear words, even if they think they do.  I've heard them.  The "F" word is "fart", and the "S" word is "stupid".  That's fine by mean.  I'll take that for now. 

Summer Perspectives

Colby:  "Mom, how long until school starts again?"
Mom:  "June, July, and August.  Three months."
Colby:  "THREE MONTHS?  That's not long at all!"
Mom:  "I know it's going to go really fast."
Quinn: "Then why do you keep saying it's going to be a looooooonnnngg summer?"

It's all in your perspective, my boy.  All in your perspective.